Need help? Worried?
You can write to a magazine or newspaper for free advice or you can consult agony aunt online Charlotte...
Lots of people write to a magazine or newspaper columnist through their column but let me explain how this works. The column you write to is only interested in receiving your letter because they need a constant supply to feature in their column and pick out the juiciest ones to feature in their publication. For them it is a cheap way to fill that page. The women who reply to the mails do not get paid much and usually just glance quickly at whatever you have sent and write back with a link to a website, a phone number or leaflet. The only time they pay proper attention to yours when it is one they wish to feature in their advice column and the reply to it is written to entertain and pleasure the readers who buy the publication. Publications tend to select the juicy mails that talk about infidelity, cheating, lust, sex, incest etc to use in their column. If you send them long rambly mails (as so many do) they do not have time to read it carefully and thoroughly. On average you will wait a month for your advice which with little benefit, if any.
You can go to a friend or someone in the family or you can ask agony aunt and advice columnist Charlotte...
The advantage to going to someone you know for guidance might be that you know them but this can also mean that they judge you, criticise you, try to take over, become very opinionated but worst of all are biased. They may well tell you to do whatever suits them. So if you say you are thinking of emigrating to Australia they are bound to try to persuade you to stay because they want you to be near them not because it is better for you. There is also the disadvantage of how they know all of your business and with something very private and personal they may even threaten to tell others or leak out a secret to others you know.
You can post on the various forums offering free support or you can turn to Charlotte the online agony aunt...
It can take hours to find and post on all of these online sites, fine if you have lots of time to spare, but the main disadvantage to them is that most of the people who comment are other people who are also going through a tough time and seeking guidance. Then you will get comments from children or those who simply want to wind you up. When I recently looked at one of these forums I saw that someone had written that they were worried about finding a spot on their arm. Lots of people who had no medical training or background replied and one of them said" you definitely have cancer". Charming. The thing about forums is that a lot of the people who post are out of their depth and do not know what they are talking about, they post because they are bored or it makes them feel important.
You can write to the various amateur advisors or you can ask agony aunt online Charlotte...
Who do we mean by various amateur advisors? You can phone the Samaritans and you can email them. Usually their reply will be going on and on about "are you suicidal? have you thought about how and when you will do it?" and even if you tell them that you are not at all suicidal you get another mail like this. They are not supposed to advise you and many of them judge you and criticise you. Nine times out of ten they wil tell you that the solution to your problem is for you to go and do voluntary work - because they found that working at the Samaritans' office for a few hours a week helped them. Another amateur would be the Elderwisdomcircle site which is staffed by mature ladies who work for it part time. They do not have problem pages you write to them for an individual reply.Their belief is that an older lady can advise on anything and everything. How does this make sense? Many of these mature ladies have never worked, they have always been housewives and mothers and many of them leave all of the finances for their husband to deal with. Their life at the age of seventy is very much the same as it was when they were twenty and they have led a sheltered existence. We sent them a fake problem and asked for their guidance, we then sent the same problem to a different lady on the same site and got a totally different attitude and answer. Both of them had failed to take on board half of what was said in our original letter so the advice given was not appropriate to the person writing. It does not follow that an older person knows more, they may lack common sense as well as experience and knowledge.
Another amateur problem pages site you can write to which I found on the web yesterday was set up by a girl of about twenty and she had put on the home page of her problem pages that she was sorry but she was now too busy to deal with any more enquiries for guidance and help as she has to go to college and study so she had to close down her problem pages. In other words this person who is claiming to be able to advise others had not thought it through and was badly organised. Why would anyone want letters of "help" and "guidance" from someone who is so scatty or bother with her problem pages?
People from all over the World write to these problem pages to ask Charlotte Craig for guidance on their various problems. Most of them are worried about their marriage, going through a difficult divorce, or having concerns about getting access to their children or finances. Others are in a state because they have separated from a partner they want back or are being harrassed by an ex they are no longer interested in. Whatever it is they are consulting Charlotte about it is upsetting for them and causing them grief and this is why Charlotte has set up this service. Charlotte used to work as a face to face advisor helping people who went to see her at her office by appointment so she knows her stuff, she is not another wannabee on an ego trip or a bored housewife trying to find a way to bring in a few shillings.
If the quality of the help and support you are given does not matter then go to someone you know for. If you want to make sure you get real guidance then nobody but Charlotte Craig will do.
Typical questions people ask...
How can I get over my husband leaving me? Why did my wife go off with another man?
I am suicidal. How do I continue? Have been diagnosed with cancer and have no support.
Will my children blame me if I end my marriage? Should I move? Is it a good idea to marry my
boyfriend? Why won't my ex accept that it is over? When will my parents stop hassling me?
Does my girlfriend love me? How do I lose weight quickly?