Comments

  1. Dear Troubled Sister,
    I am very sorry to hear about the problems between yourself and your sister. Family disagreements are always very difficult on the members and more hurtful than many are prepared to admit. With your sister, I suggest that you both sit down and talk about what exactly your feelings are towards this man, yours and hers. You both should discuss what he may have told you both as well. This situation seems to be very volatile. The man is married, yet he is with you as well as kissing your sister. I understand that he has told you he loves you and wants to have a baby with you. You are in love. You feel you deserve a future with this man. I would suggest that you take a good, long, and hard look at your situation and truly think about the odds of having a successful, long-lasting and faithful relationship with this man. Men can change, they really can, if they feel a strong enough desire. Do you think that this man feels a strong enough desire to grow and change to become a better person for you? Can you honestly say to yourself, that this man who cheats on his wife as well as his girlfriend will become a good man to make a future with? Because there are many men out there who prefer to manipulate women into mindsets that suit their wants and needs. This man may not even have the kind of home situation that he has told you, and you should consider this possibility. Your sister may be talking and making out with him, but it takes two to make that choice. A good man would not want to cause problems between the woman he loves and her sister, no matter how tempted. If you can look at your entire situation and truly think that he loves you and only you, then speak with your sister and ask her to stop making advances towards your boyfriend and I wish you happiness in your future. I only ask that you truly think about what I have written. Good luck and I hope things work out well for you in the end.

    (Posted on 2016-06-28 19:42:00 by )
  2. Dear Destressed Sister,
    I am sorry to hear that you have been placed into this position, it is never a good thing when siblings fight. However I do urge you to reconsider the situation as a whole. Gathering from your message it has become apparant to me that he has a wife and child, and is telling you that they sleep in seperate rooms but are you sure this is the entire truth? along with the statement he has made about staying with her for the benefit of their child. I can tell that you have strong feelings for this man as you claim him as yours, however you can not avoid the fact that he is a married man. Have you spoken to your sister about this situation? anger can cloud peoples judgements, and it is never a good idea to say things in the heat of the moment. Once words are said they can not be taken back! You have stated that he must love you because he tells you this alot but that makes me question what he has been saying to your sister? As you are her sister you will know her better than he will. Is this something that she would really do? Try to ruin your happiness by trying to steal someone you have strong affections for. I say this because you said your sister does not know that he wants to have sexual relations with you, and to make a baby so to her it could come across as there is nothing going on between the two of you. I respect the fact you will be feeling hurt, distressed, angry and confused but I need to take you back to the fact he has a wife. Technically, he doesn't belong to you or your sister. His loyalty should be with the woman that he married, and already has a child with. Gathering from what you have gave me, this man does not sound worthy of you or your sister. Does not even sound worthy of the lady he is married to! 10 years can be a big age gap, as that is 10 years more experience than you have. Did he kiss your sister first? Did they mean to kiss? I suggest that you sit down and talk to them both. Tell them how you are feeling, and do not bottle up any emotions. Letting go of anger is sometimes the release that people need! however if you feel the situation becomes to heated, stand back, count to 10 and remember why you are doing, what you are doing.

    I would also urge you to keep in mind that you are not accountable for anyone elses action, but your own. This man sounds like a bit of a ladies man! which makes me wonder if it is just you and your sister that he is playing around with. There are so many possibilities for this situation, it may very well be he is a decent man! and there is problems with his wife back at home, and your sister may very well have thrown herself at him. You do however need to consider it takes two to tango! I think you should talk to them, see what they have to say but always put yourself first. Putting yourself first is not anything to be ashamed of, sometimes in these situations we have to be selfish to protect our own hearts from breaking! Baring in mind she is your sister, she is your family and nobody ever wants to believe their own blood would betray or hurt them but it happens. All we can do is look forward and keep searching for our own happiness.
    I hope you get the results you are looking for, and again I am sorry you were placed in this situation. Best Wishes! XOXO

    (Posted on 2016-06-25 08:43:00 by )
  3. Dear Fake Problem,
    Sorry to hear you are going through what sounds like a very tough and complicated relationship at the moment. There seems to be a number of issues in your message so I hope that this response covers all bases.
    Regarding your sister, you seem very upset that she is coming onto your guy and was angry with her kissing him. However, you also state that she is unaware of what this guy has said to you. How can you be angry with your sister if she is unaware of your feelilngs towards this man? I think you need to sit down and talk to your sister about how you feel about this guy, and why you got angry with her when you caught them kissing. If she then continues to pursue it then you would have reason to be angry, and you would need to channel this anger into further conversation with her, or may even have to try reducing contact betweenthis guy and your sister.
    The other aspect I have picked up on from your message is that though you don't appear to be angry with this man, he appears to be upsetting you. He is refusing to leave his wife and has told you he wants to be with you and is using the child as an excuse. I would be weary of a man that is not prepared tobe with you completely as he may be stringing you along just to get sex out of you. And you may find when you speak to your sister he has said the same thing to her, which is why she may be coming onto him. I think you have to consider what this man has done in relation to the situation. I get that you have deep feelings with this guy, but if he is kissing other women and refusing to leave his wife for you, it would appear that he probably isn't into you as much as you are him. I know this may be difficult to comprehend or see, but I feel I need to point this out to you. You cannot blame your sister souly for what you have seen.

    (Posted on 2016-06-21 18:11:00 by )
  4. Dear My Sister is chatting up my boyfriend,

    I can imagine how upset and hurt you are feeling at the moment and hope I can help put things into perspective for you. If you look at the situation from an unbiased point of you, you will see that the problems have stemmed from your boyfriend's lack of commitment. I understand that he does tell you that he loves you very much and that he wants to have a baby with you, but for a strong and lasting relationship to develop, there needs to be honesty and loyalty. If he is keeping a relationship with you behind his wife's back then that is the first sign that he is not completely devoted to starting a life with you. To add to that, for him to start a physical relationship with your sister, in addition to having a relationship with you (and his wife), is a big red flag on your ability to trust him. I am very sorry to hear that your sister has upset you, but please remember that he may also be telling her the same things he is telling you. I can imagine that having a very good looking "hunk" tell you that he loves you can be very flattering and make you protective of him, but you need to see that it takes two people to have a physical relationship and if he chose to kiss her, you need to question him as well. My advice would be for you to confront both your sister and your boyfriend. Your sister needs to know what your boyfriend has said to you about how he wants to build a life with you so she can then either step back or confirm if he has also said the same things to her. You also need to speak to him and make sure that if he is going to continue a relationship with you, then he does not do it behind his wife's back and a choice needs to be made. Please remember that even if he decides that he wants to leave his wife, you need to think about if you would be able to trust him after he cheated on his wife with you. Having a hidden relationship often means that the individual is not serious or ready for a real relationship, which means that you are very likely to get hurt. I strongly suggest that you carefully consider your actions and do not begin straining your relationship with your sister over a man that does not appear to be very faithful to begin with.

    If any of your friends were in your situation what would you advise them about trusting their boyfriend and arguing with their sister over an unfaithful man?

    I understand that much of what I have conveyed to you may be hurtful. Please remember the hurt you feel facing the truth about your boyfriend right now, is much less painful than the hurt you would feel if he impregnated you and then you found out he was still being unfaithful and is not going to end his relationship with his wife.

    I hope I have been able to help you and aid you in focusing on the essence of the issue. Please write back if you need any further advice once you have spoken to your boyfriend and sister. I am here to help.

    (Posted on 2016-06-18 21:19:00 by )
  5. It sounds to me although there are a lot of relationships here at risk. First one and most important being that of you and your sister. You must focus on this as priority and be open and honest with her. Tell her how you feel and what you saw straight away. It appears to me that your boyfriend has some issues he needs to resolve before focusing on a new relationship here with you. If things are not good at home with his wife and baby he needs to make a long term choice. You must not put yourself in the middle of this and allow time to take its toll. Look from an outsiders point of view - You have been with him secretly behind his wifes back - and now your sister is doing the same to you. He may be playing both of you off in order to get what he wants . A long term relationship and strain of having a baby has lead him to cheat on his wife. If he felt so stringly for you as you do him - he would have not done what he did with your sister . In honesty I would end it with him before things get any worse and make up the realtionship with your sister before she becomes set in his love trap aswell -All the best of Luck !!

    (Posted on 2016-06-14 12:57:00 by )
  6. Dear My sister is Chatting Up my Boyfriend,
    Id like to say I am proud that you are reaching out for advice as such topics can be difficult to discuss with others. It is personal and so much on ones heart is dedicated to relationships that it can be hard to open up the bare roots of your relationship for others to evaluate. It is hard to do when a partnership is going well and even harder to do when it is struggling. Now I would like to dive into your troubles. The first very apparent thing I see is your intense anger toward your sister. Although it may seem like an action of betrayal please remember something that is essential to understanding your sisters actions. She is young. Yes, yes this sounds like an excuse and it is but it is completly valid. A young mind is still in development. A young persons frontal cortex, the decision making center of the brain, is still growing and very receptive to influences and ideas that a grouwn adult would see with a more clear understanding. All your sister is seeing is an opportunity to raise her rank. To take something from her big sister and to seem older then she is. All shes doing is proving that she is still a young girl not big enough yet to fully think through the consequences of her actions. So yes she may have done something reproachable but all young girls do and they will learn in time to be more mature in their lives. Now that your remebering your little sister is still little let us remember a man ten years older then yourself is fully grown. This is a man, one with an established home and frontal coortex. He is perfectly aware of his actions and their consequences and this should tell you something about the way he is acting. He is making decisions based on lust and want. He is disregarding his wifes feelings, his childs feeling , and your feelings with every action he takes. Id like you to take a moment and think of the situation from the perspective of him. If he loves you and wants to be with only you then every time he leaves he is cheating on his wife. Every second he sepnds away is moments without his child who he claims to be staying for. And why stay married for the child. It is far less emotionally scaring for a child if they have a set home environment. So if he plans to leave his wife ever this is the perfect time. the child wont remember it and they have time to establish a schedule so the child grows up with a routine and a sense of normalcy. If he is staying with her now for the babys sake then what is his plan? to secretly be with you until the child is 18. Or is he planning to eventually divorce his wife further straining the childs life. By the way you speak of him that doesent seem like you beleive either option is his plan. Having such hope in people is a great trait but you must think logically. He has a family and he has no plans to leave so this leaves you in the position of mistress and adulterer. This will make you the other women the one with no guratentees and at the end of the day a broken heart. Becuase whatever his decision may be in the end with his wife you have no say in anything not legally or emotionally. Now I want to say something as I hope your starting to see the dire situation you are in. The chances of him leaving hsi wife are minimal and it is clear that you are infatuated with him but think again of your sister. Your sister who is most liely underaged, your sister who is determined to be with a man most likely twice her afe who has cheated on both his wife and you. Your sister who is predisposed to make bad decision because she is still a child herself. Your sister is in danger. This is what most people would call a child predator. A man whos intentions are to have sexual encounters with underaged women. He has already proven that fact. You may blame your sister and she may even have instigated the kiss but you know that one person can not kiss by themselves. Nor could your sister a young girl force a grown man as she does not have the strength or ablity to force it on him. He voluntarily kissed her as he kissed you as he may be kissing any girl who shows interst or dosent show interest. Right now I am asking you to act as a big sister. As the protector of someone young and impresionable. Be and example to her and show that you will not let a man treat you with such disrepsect and you will not let him take advantage of someone you love. His intentions are very clearly not honorable and if not for your own sake think of your sisters. Your all that can keep her from a terible moment which no one can go back from. I implore you to think rationally about the facts and about the feelings. In your heart I know your sister is more important then any man unwilling to dedicate himself to you. I hope you sincerly consider my advice as I know it is not something easy to hear but something that must be said. I hope you make the right choices and no matter what I wish you a good life.

    (Posted on 2016-06-13 07:36:00 by )
  7. Dear My sister is Chatting Up my Boyfriend,
    Id like to say I am proud that you are reaching out for advice as such topics can be difficult to discuss with others. It is personal and so much on ones heart is dedicated to relationships that it can be hard to open up the bare roots of your relationship for others to evaluate. It is hard to do when a partnership is going well and even harder to do when it is struggling. Now I would like to dive into your troubles. The first very apparent thing I see is your intense anger toward your sister. Although it may seem like an action of betrayal please remember something that is essential to understanding your sisters actions. She is young. Yes, yes this sounds like an excuse and it is but it is completly valid. A young mind is still in development. A young persons frontal cortex, the decision making center of the brain, is still growing and very receptive to influences and ideas that a grouwn adult would see with a more clear understanding. All your sister is seeing is an opportunity to raise her rank. To take something from her big sister and to seem older then she is. All shes doing is proving that she is still a young girl not big enough yet to fully think through the consequences of her actions. So yes she may have done something reproachable but all young girls do and they will learn in time to be more mature in their lives. Now that your remebering your little sister is still little let us remember a man ten years older then yourself is fully grown. This is a man, one with an established home and frontal coortex. He is perfectly aware of his actions and their consequences and this should tell you something about the way he is acting. He is making decisions based on lust and want. He is disregarding his wifes feelings, his childs feeling , and your feelings with every action he takes. Id like you to take a moment and think of the situation from the perspective of him. If he loves you and wants to be with only you then every time he leaves he is cheating on his wife. Every second he sepnds away is moments without his child who he claims to be staying for. And why stay married for the child. It is far less emotionally scaring for a child if they have a set home environment. So if he plans to leave his wife ever this is the perfect time. the child wont remember it and they have time to establish a schedule so the child grows up with a routine and a sense of normalcy. If he is staying with her now for the babys sake then what is his plan? to secretly be with you until the child is 18. Or is he planning to eventually divorce his wife further straining the childs life. By the way you speak of him that doesent seem like you beleive either option is his plan. Having such hope in people is a great trait but you must think logically. He has a family and he has no plans to leave so this leaves you in the position of mistress and adulterer. This will make you the other women the one with no guratentees and at the end of the day a broken heart. Becuase whatever his decision may be in the end with his wife you have no say in anything not legally or emotionally. Now I want to say something as I hope your starting to see the dire situation you are in. The chances of him leaving hsi wife are minimal and it is clear that you are infatuated with him but think again of your sister. Your sister who is most liely underaged, your sister who is determined to be with a man most likely twice her afe who has cheated on both his wife and you. Your sister who is predisposed to make bad decision because she is still a child herself. Your sister is in danger. This is what most people would call a child predator. A man whos intentions are to have sexual encounters with underaged women. He has already proven that fact. You may blame your sister and she may even have instigated the kiss but you know that one person can not kiss by themselves. Nor could your sister a young girl force a grown man as she does not have the strength or ablity to force it on him. He voluntarily kissed her as he kissed you as he may be kissing any girl who shows interst or dosent show interest. Right now I am asking you to act as a big sister. As the protector of someone young and impresionable. Be and example to her and show that you will not let a man treat you with such disrepsect and you will not let him take advantage of someone you love. His intentions are very clearly not honorable and if not for your own sake think of your sisters. Your all that can keep her from a terible moment which no one can go back from. I implore you to think rationally about the facts and about the feelings. In your heart I know your sister is more important then any man unwilling to dedicate himself to you. I hope you sincerly consider my advice as I know it is not something easy to hear but something that must be said. I hope you make the right choices and no matter what I wish you a good life.

    (Posted on 2016-06-13 07:36:00 by )
  8. Firstly, I am sorry that you have been put though this. My initial reaction is to acknowledge it does take 2 to tango. Now even though your sister may have a crush on him, his loyalty was to you and yet he kissed her too. How do you know she was trying to take him from you, why were you not able to confront her? My advice is to not always listen to what he says but watch his actions, his actions have showed you he cannot be trusted. Although he says he is staying for his child, why is he not able to move out to his family or rent a room elsewhere and be there for his child. Do you know he is still not in a relationship with the mother of his child, can this be confirmed for sure? From the sounds of it he does not seem like a decent man, who could betray you like this and especially with your sister. Instead of blaming your sister for taking him away, why not see no one can ever be taken away without their own free will. The stronger we keep hold of them the more suffocated they feel.

    Neither deserve your respect or love, so I would say work on your own issues and be with someone who is deserving of your love. I would highlight issues with your sister and ask her why she felt it was ok for her to do that, no one is condoning her behaviour, or telling you to forget. But by confrontation in a non-aggressive way, may give you the answer’s you require. Maybe that man was a teacher to you both of love and loyalty and more importantly betrayal.
    I hope you are able to muster the strength to find solace in this and walk away as you deserve so much better and more importantly deserve someone who will not betray your trust.

    (Posted on 2016-06-12 16:59:00 by )
  9. Hello and welcome.
    I understand at this time you love your boyfriend dearly, but may i ask what is he doing to help put your sister back into reality. The behavior your sister is portraying is unreasonable and shows an awful lot of disrespect to yourself and your partner, allthough I do hope he is not encouraging this in anyway. You need to have a 1 to 1 with your sister and calmly and collectively tell her you will not accept this kind of disrespect towards you or your partner. I know its easy to want what you think is right with the state of mind your in at the moment, but this whole situation needs rethinking and changing before another life gets brought into what is allready seeming to make you unhappy. You do not deserve someone who kisses your sister or anyone else for that matter. Aim higher. Distrust has now been put in place and long term this could cause you insecurities and further harm your future. If however you want to stay with this man then I would advise you get some respect back, lay some rules down and some lines you do not wish him to cross, ie: kissing other people and also tell your sister you will not accept her flirting with YOUR partner. If he crosses lines or does not respect your wishes you are better off without him.. good luck and have faith. everything happens for a reason which may not come to light for years. breath easy and be patient what will be will be my dear.
    xx

    (Posted on 2016-06-12 09:46:00 by )
  10. Hi,
    Thank you for opening up an sharing your problem with me. I know it takes a lot to talk about such personal issues.
    Let's look at the situation one instance at a time.
    The fact that your boy friend is still living with his wife and in a relationship with you is alarming. Does his wife know about you? Have you spoken to her and sure about his livng conditions that they delfinitely live seperately although under the same roof? My advise to you will be:
    - First and foremost stop worrying and being afraid of losing your boy friend. Remember always the right things comes your way when you create space for it in a positive frame of mind.
    - Have an open discussion with your boyfriend about your future together. If he wants to have a baby with you, he needs to be open and transparent with you about his family life. How does he plan to have a baby with you, inside or outside wedlock. If he wants outside wedlock ask yourself if you are ok with it? Arent you settling for less?
    - Ask him that you want to meet his wife. If he wants you to be with him, he needs to give you your due respect and introduce you to his family.
    - You have seen him kissing your sister, that raises a big question on his honesty. Keep this in mind and stregthen your mind. Any respectable man will not do this. Ask him why he did this.
    - Once you have sorted the above points out, have a chat with your sister and tell her what you find out. Discuss with her how you can strengthen your relationship so that you stand up for each other rather than back biting and being jealous of each other.

    All the best and take care of yourself

    (Posted on 2016-06-11 10:32:00 by )
  11. Thank you for confiding in me about this. My gut tells me that this man is likely going to be trouble and lead to more heartache than you deserve. Before jumping to conclusions, I would like to discuss all angles of the situation. I've learned in life that most things are not just black and white, actually, most things fall in the "grey" area. The fact that your boyfriend is married and living with his wife and child may be concerning. Are you just taking his word for it that they are not still together? Or have you talked to her as well? It is not unheard of, or impossible, for a couple to stay living together for their child, at least while they are very young. You have to take into consideration the challenge and stress that accompanies an arrangement like that though. It requires an immense amount of trust in your boyfriend. You both need to be able to openly communicate, especially about his home life, after all, he is living with someone he once vowed to be with for the rest of his life. I don't believe you should just take his word for it either. If you are going to be in his life it will be important for his child's mother to meet you, at least once, so she can feel comfortable with you. That is, as long as he is telling you the truth about them not being together anymore. If it turns out he and his wife are still on again off again, bringing up meeting her will set off red flags of him not wanting you to do that. I question his honesty simply because you have caught him kissing your sister. That doesn't sound like the most respectable man to me. You deserve an explanation for what you saw that day, not from one of them, but both of them. You can't only be angry with your sister, he was there too. So what was the reason? Is there any reason that is good enough that would make you alright with them having kissed? Will you ever feel comfortable with the two of them being around each other? If it is something you discuss with them and you don't feel like you can get past, then it is time to really evaluate your relationship. Especially since he is asking some serious commitments from you, sex and a baby is not something to take lightly. If you are contemplating serious decisions, he should be too. Think of the things you desire from a partner. Do you want someone you can count on, trust, be proud of, encourage, rely on? If those are things you are struggling with in the beginning of the relationship things are likely going to get even more difficult as time goes on. I know you love him, or at least it feels a lot like love, either way, it is real for you. It makes it hard to see things clearly. I hope you ask yourself some questions about what you are looking for, what you can adapt to, ask your boyfriend questions and don't settle for anything less than complete answers, the same goes for your sister. After that, do some serious thinking. With all that you learn, would this situation that you are in be something that you would encourage your future daughter to pursue? I wish you the best of luck during this time of turmoil.

    (Posted on 2016-06-11 02:32:00 by )
  12. Hi
    I'm sorry that you are going through this difficult and confusing time in your life. There are many factors to consider. Let's begin with your sister: it's sad that your own sister has betrayed you. Unfortunately, we don't get to pick family members, she will always be your sister. Talk to her; tell her what you saw; how she hurt you; communicate your expectations and set boundaries. Hopefully you can work things out with her because it would be very sad to let a guy ruin your relationship with your sister.

    Your boyfriend is married, has a new child, kissing your sister and telling you that he loves you and wants to have a baby with you. He sounds like a very busy guy. There really is not anything decent about this man. Does his wife think they are separated and living together for the baby? Sounds like this man is playing lots of games and you are one of his many victims. What would be some characteristics you would want in a perfect boyfriend and father for your children? Trust, loyalty, respect, caring, may be important ones to look for in a person. Good looks fade and are not all that important. It's the personality and how the person treats you that counts. Don't be a victim, be strong, take control and get out of this relationship. He is not worth the stress and aggravation. He will never be just yours. You will always be wondering where he is and who he is with because he can not be trusted. Think about your future and find someone that will love just you. There are better people out there. Good luck and we are here anytime you need us for advice.

    (Posted on 2016-06-09 18:33:00 by )
  13. hi,first let me say your problem seems tuff. If you follow what im about to say it might help you in the long run.You might not like what im going to say but im going to give you the truth. you seem like a smart and beautiful woman let me first let you know that. with what you are going through i am going to say move on. Seems simple to say but always hard to do.you love him i get it but he truly ant love you. one he has a wife who he lives with, who cares if they slep in sepret rooms its the same house. they have a child togeather which isnt a problem but its a flag. not every man who cant get along with the mother of there kid is always over her. but idk him so i cant point the finger. but if he kissed your sister he ant shit. you are better then that.you should get better then that. if your sister wants him test him.play ya part but dont put your heart in it.see what he do. see if how far he gos. but be a woman i know you are and work get ya money and have fun. your young enjoy that. dont hae his baby wait for the right guy. date other people but still work and make money. do you really. love will come and go. you have many more love stories to go. just cuz he looks good dont mean he is good. i want you to be better be drama free and with him all i see you getting is drama. its going to be hard to get over someone you love but its a lesson that you will learn from.

    (Posted on 2016-06-09 17:22:00 by )
  14. I can see that your 'heart' knows what you want from a relationship which is NOT what you had seen between your boyfriend and sister. Entering a relationship should be based upon mutual respect, faithfullness and/or loyalty to each other, genuine emotions. The use of the words 'love' can be used against an emotionally vulnerable person, and easy to manipulate and abuse a vulnerable person. Accepting such actions against you as a person, should not become a daily routine. We cannot let 'one' guy set 'standards' of an ideal relationship when many, many, guys are out there, that can be a true and genuinely caring person towards you vs being promiscuous with every gal in your family and friend circles. You have been shown the 'true character' of this 'boyfriend'. It hurts to leave an 'ideal' boyfriend that 'looks' stunning but if it 'hurts' then, it's time to consider moving back into the dating scene, until you find somebody that only wants you.

    (Posted on 2016-06-06 21:03:00 by )
  15. Hi, You want your sister to stop trying to steal your boyfriend from you... you have seen them kissing. Have you asked your boyfriend why he was kissing your sister? Have you spoken to your sister? It would seem that both your sister and boyfriend know exactly what they are doing, and do not care if they hurt you in the process. You say that he is super hunky dunky, but what is he like as a person? Physical attraction is only part of a relationship. Do you still want to be with him if he disrespects your feelings and thinks that all he has to say is that he "loves you" to get what he wants from you.
    Your boyfriend has a wife and child, and yet he wants to be with you even though you have seen him kissing your sister. Do you know what his wife might be thinking if she knew you were seeing her husband. Do you know for a fact that they sleep in seperate bedrooms. When a couple have a new baby it is not unusual for them to sleep in seperate bedrooms so that the baby only wakes one person and not both every night.
    You seem to be putting 100% of the blame on your sister, and yet it is your boyfriend who seems to be splitting his attentions between 3 women.
    You say your boyfriend "belongs" to you. If he is still married to his wife, surely he belongs to her if he is going to belong to anyone? It looks like your boyfriend likes to have different women attracted to him and he doesn't care who he hurts with his actions.
    If you were to have a baby with your boyfriend, how much support would he be able to give you if he already has one small baby he is responsible for. Do you have family and friends who would support you if you get into the same situation that his wife is in?
    Perhaps you could speak to your boyfriend and tell him what you saw and how upset it makes you and see what his reply is. If he denies he was kissing her, or that it was anything serious.. will you think that is ok. Again if you speak to your sister and ask her what was going on. Sometimes we see and accept what we choose to see because we dont' want to admit that the person we love would betray us, this man is married with a small baby but he is spending time with you and kissing your sister. Do you think this boyfriend is going to make you happy in the long term? What your sister is doing may not be right, but what your boyfriend is doing is not right either. You say you want your sister to stop and respect that he is a decent man, but would a decent man have an affair with a young girl while his wife is at home looking after his new baby.
    Ask yourself what you want from a man in a relationship. Yes Love, but do you not want loyalty, integrity, commitment, security and honesty as well?
    The way to stop your sister is to confront her and tell her what you saw, but if your boyfriend is always looking for someone new, even if your sister stops, it won't stop him, and next time you might not catch him doing it with the other woman.
    If someone genuinely loves you, they won't want to look at another woman, even if that woman is trying to steal them away..

    (Posted on 2016-06-06 14:41:00 by )

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Comments

  1. Hi Julie,

    Well sweetheart I am sorry to say this but do not take him. Pack your bags girl and go see Egypt yourself with some independant travelling! afterall YOU have saved to be able to do this, why should you miss out? Or for a better question, why should you pay for him when he had a lot of time to save as you have mentioned, yet he has not bothered to even try by the sounds of it! This world is full of people who will try and take advantage of certain peoples kind hearted and loving nature. I am going to go ahead and assume he knows how much you wanted to see Egypt, and how much it meant to you? which means he will be thinking to himself, she wants to go so much she will spend it all so we can go together. FREE HOLIDAY FOR HIM. What about you? are you really going to enjoy this trip knowing you have blown your entire savings to take him along when he made no effort.

    To me it seems like he doesn't actually care that much to how much it does mean to you, otherwise he would of saved the money he needed and he would of payed it himself. You may be his girlfriend, and by the sounds of it a loving and compassionate one at that for even considering paying for him! but to me it seems his loyalties are tied up somewhere else. If I was you, I would pack my suitcase, find my sunglasses and tell him I would contact him once I had arrived in Egypt!

    If you do not like the idea of independant travel, as it can be scary to some but it is a great experience! id suggest maybe asking a family member? or another friend that you may have that would like to see Egypt to accompany you! someone that will pay their way. It does not seem fair in the slightest for you to blow your entire savings because your boyfriend blew his money!

    Never let the selfishness of anyone else make you miss out on the opportunities you have been waiting for. I hope everything works out, and I really do hope you take that trip! XOXO

    (Posted on 2016-06-25 09:02:00 by )
  2. Dear Julie,
    I am sorry you find yourself in such a difficult and confusing situation and it is my greatest wish to help you consider your options at the present moment. First of all you need to confront your boyfriend on his behavior. He obviously lied to you and had no intentions of saving money for your venture and you deserve to know why. I predict his response will be something along the lines of he just didn't have enough time or it was to much money. And you should be ready to take these answers for what they are. Completely irrelevant and insulting excuses. You made it clear that you were working toward this goal for a long time and he had falsely shown intent to work toward it as well. After you confront him I advise you give him an ultimatum. Tell him if he's willing to save up and try to raise the money then you can push back the trip. If he is not then he will not be going on the trip. It is important to stand your ground and make it clear that you are not there to be used. He's not asking for a hundred dollars for groceries or gas. He's asking for thousands for a trip across the world and all the amenities he most likely plans to have. If he is at this point in the relationship looking to make you his sugar daddy then it's time to set your boundaries and make it 100% obvious that you are your own provider and he should be his as well. remember this does not have to be the end of your relationship nor does it have to keep you from attending your Holiday. If he is willing to save his own money or even willing to admit he had done something wrong and allow you to go without him but promise to work on his money management and the relationship then their is no reason to end things. For now just take about of comfort in the fact that you can still go and that this is not your fault. You did your part and he failed in his. As a compassionate girlfriend you probably want to help him as well but since you can't afford it take comfort in the fact that you are doing the right thing by not bankrupting yourself and teaching him a valuable lesson about responsibility. Regardless of the outcome make sure you protect your money and use it for what you want as you worked hard to earn it. Go on your adventure and enjoy the marvels of Egypt and be proud of yourself for working so very hard.

    (Posted on 2016-06-15 01:17:00 by )
  3. Society is full of predators and this includes those seeking 'easy' money sources. Predators can easily identify their 'prey' and includes preying upon emotions of women. This is to gain access to sex, money and may include 'control' of your life. Relationships should be built on equal sharing of giving and taking. Modern living requires greater amounts of monies between couples, for a comfortable lifestyle. Gone are the days of having one 'main' breadwinner. It can be too emotionally and physically draining to want to remain in such a situation. I would suggest writing down a list of BOTH your $$ contributions, see what more is needed, divide that in half, and both of you continue towards saving for the new goal. No one person should be 'held responsible' for the entirety of any given plan, in a relationship. Today's world economies have changed from times of our parents and grandparents.

    (Posted on 2016-06-06 20:47:00 by )
  4. Hi, Something to consider...What's your boyfriend like with money normally... is this an unusual situation, or is he always asking to borrow from you?
    When you think about why you are with your boyfriend, yes you may love him and believe that he loves you too, but when we enter into a relationship we want to be loved and appreciated for who we are and not necessarily what we provide. How does it make you feel knowing how hard you have worked and saved to be able to go on this holiday, and he hasn't. The way you say that you will be using all your savings if you pay for him too, suggests that either you have not been together for very long, or that you don't see why you should have to pay for him, that it makes you feel secure knowing you have money in savings and you are not willing to jeopardise that security to pay your boyfriends half of the holiday. You don't say what his reasons are for not having ANY of the money to pay for himself, nor why he has left it to the last minute to tell you. If you pay for him and worry about not having any savings, will you be able to enjoy your trip? Will you be angry with him? Or will you pay for him and think.. I have spent the money so I am going to enjoy myself and deal with the situation when I get back.
    These are all questions to ask yourself, and be honest with yourself, because at the end of the day, you have worked to earn that money and it is yours to spend as you choose, and to now be put in a situation where you are having to consider spending your savings when you had not anticipated doing so, is a decision only you can make, but you shouldn't be put under pressure to make it. What is the alternative if you don't pay for him? Will he still want to be with you. If the answer is Yes, then that suggests you have a strong relationship, if the answer is No.. would you want to stay with someone who only stayed with you as long as you paid for him? Ask yourself each question, and listen to the answer that comes up from within you, not from friends and family, but from within you, and then decide what decision you make about your holiday.

    (Posted on 2016-06-06 13:43:00 by )
  5. please help me... am planning to go on to egypt with my boyfriend but he tells me he has no money and i must pay for him too or we cannot go. hae saved and saved and he said he had too... he had lots of time.. and it would cost me all of my savings and more.. what do i do/

    (Posted on 2016-06-06 12:58:00 by )

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