Comments

  1. Dear Obviously Confused,
    The best thing for you at this moment is to dump this jerk. He is obviously playing you like a fiddle. Trust me, he’s not even worthy of one more moment of your time. Nor, is he someone who can or should be trusted taking out your trash, let alone trusting him with your heart. If he can’t even come clean with his wife about how he really feels about her, how can you ever think he could be 100% honest with you? Always remember, a real man doesn’t just stick around for the kids .When a real man doesn’t want a woman he has kids with anymore; he pays child support and figures out the best way to co-parent.
    By the way, everyone knows that nine times out of ten, married men have no intentions of leaving their wives for the mistress .To him; you’re just something to do with minimal obligation. If he was serious about you, you’d know it. I’m just hoping you got more than just a wet bottom out of the deal because you could have gotten that anywhere. Hopefully you had enough sense to get this fool to paying a bill or two. If not, he’s defiantly useless and worthless goods to you. And furthermore you need to drop his butt like a hot potato.
    Personally messing with a married man is a NO, NO! How would you like it if the shoe was on the other foot? Always remember what goes around comes around. Karma is a beast and as it looks from here; your sister is karma knocking on your front door. Was she dead wrong? Yes, but so were you for knowingly messing with a married man. So after you calm down, find it in your heart to sit down and talk with your sister. Tell her how much of a dog this man and how mad you are at her for doing what she did. Then make a pact not to mess with any man that the other is interested in the future. And if she does it again, handle the situation however you see fit. It will take time to trust her again and honestly I don’t blame you for cussing her out if you feel the need. Just be willing to hash it out and move on. Don’t let this scum come between the two of you….. After all she is your sister.

    (Posted on 2016-08-25 15:51:00 by )
  2. Firstly, I want you to know that you have done the right thing to ask for advice. Situations like this are not uncommon and they can be very difficult! However, as hunky as a man may be, can you really trust someone who claims to love you and then kisses your sister? Remember that you are special and life is precious. Don't undersell yourself! I am sure you are beautiful and have lots to offer the world. While you may want to settle down with this man, he does have a family. Will he be able to afford to give you the time and love you deserve? Will he help to raise your child if you do have one together? Know that you do not have to rush into anything, there will be other hunks out there that can offer you the love and respect that you deserve. Don't let anyone pressure you into having children or having sex; it has to be your choice! But before you commit to the idea of having a hunk, is looks all you require when looking for someone to be the father of your child? I highly advise that you take some time to think things through - have you done everything you've dreamed about doing? Travelling? Education? Dream jobs? Now's the time to get it all done, before you bring a child into this world.

    In regards to your sister kissing your man, know that while you might be angry with her, she is family. Was the man honest with you about the affairs? This brings his total up to a wife, your sister and you now? Can you be sure there are no more women in the mix? I advise that you sit and talk to your sister about what has occurred. Perhaps it was not her who made the first move? It is worth being sure before burning family connections.

    Finally, I wish to make reference to 'he belongs to me'. Human beings are not possessions and he has made vows to another woman before you. If he truly loved you and previously loved his wife, he would be honest and divorce her before running around with other women. While this is hard to hear, you deserve a lot more respect than he seems to be giving you and I believe you could do much better than this. Don't despair, there are other more loyal hunks out there! But even if you don't find them immediately, you should learn to have fun and love and respect yourself first and foremost. All of these decisions are ultimately yours, but you should take some time to think things through before making any big, lifetime commitments.

    I hope this helps! Remember, you can always contact me again if you need any more advice.

    Kind regards,
    Your Agony Aunt

    (Posted on 2016-08-19 12:43:00 by )
  3. No one, not anyone, my dear, can possess another human! I think this beau pretty much makes that clear. Get away from him as quickly as you can and find someone worthy of your love and respect! The guys a creep and bad daddy too! Your sister is just being a brat that can’t get over the juvenile competitiveness that is part of the natural pecking order in families. Use the time you are not spending with this guy on finding a beau worthy of your love!

    (Posted on 2016-08-17 19:02:00 by )
  4. First off, please take a step back and look around you. I know that it is wonderfully nice for someone to say they love you, but it does take two to tango. If your sister was kissing your boyfriend then he was letting her. He has a wife and child at home and it sounds like he is just trying to have his cake and eat it too. Your boyfriend sounds like he wants to keep his family and have flings on the side and honey it sounds like you are one of them. I would step back and evaluate what is going on before getting any deeper in this relationship. I am trying to stop you from getting hurt and just because he is telling you all that is wrong with his wife and their relationship, does not mean that is actually happening. Pay attention to the details and make a decision that will be right for you in the long run. Best of luck and I hope that you find happiness.

    (Posted on 2016-08-17 03:18:00 by )
  5. Firstly I want you to know you have done the right thing asking for a bit of advice because this is a very difficult situation you have found yourself in and talking about problems to someone outside of the situation means they can give you a good perspective - so well done!
    Secondly your sister should really have much more respect for your feelings, I think it would be a really good idea to spend a bit of time with her and explain how her actions have made you feel. This will give her an opportunity to say sorry so you two can make sure your family relationship isn't destroyed by her bad choices.
    Lastly your boyfriend, he may well love you and want to leave his wife but his behaviour is not right to anyone involved. He is cheating on his wife with you, cheated on you with your sister. Now, he is probably very confused about his feelings but his actions are not fair on anyone including himself if he wants happiness.
    The life of "the other woman" is not a happy one, any family occassions such as Christmas he will spend with his family and you will be alone. He can never be fully commited to you and eventually you will end up wanting more than he can give you.
    You deserve to have a man of your own who makes you feel special and can commit to you 100%.
    I realise this might not be what you want to hear but you really need to tell him that you deserve a proper commited relationship and cut all contact with him. If he truly loves you he will leave his wife and after a period of being alone and getting his head straight he will find you.
    I wish you every happiness and I believe it begins by putting youself first and letting go of this man. Please also remember to give your sister a chance to apologise as your siblings are the people you will know the longest in your life and family relationships are very important to your wellbeing. Take care x

    (Posted on 2016-08-16 20:39:00 by )
  6. Hey there,
    I hear you and can see that your situation is a rough one. Loving someone is almost like a full time job isn't it? The man you are involved with is married and has a baby. If you want to start your own family with him, can you be sure he will be loyal? It was mentioned that he was already caught kissing your sister. I would dump the creep and get yourself a lovely man who knows what loyalty means, sister!

    (Posted on 2016-08-15 16:04:00 by )
  7. I really feel for you. There is so much confusion and hurt in your email. There is so much that I want to tell you. The first thing is that you are worth so much more than this. The most important elemements in a relationship are trust and respect. If you are to have a baby by this man, then surely you would want to be a little family to have him with you, by your side sharing in all the magical moments of the first smile, first steps etc, but also through the sleepless nights. You need to trust that he will be there and that he will put you and your baby first all of the time.
    This man is already married, he is already a husband and a father. How can you be sure that he would behave any better to you or your baby?
    You say that he does not sleep with his wife and that they have a baby - the fat that you describe his child as a baby means that it is very young and therefore was created very recently, presumably by a husband and wife who wanted to bring a new child into the world. When you have a child this puts a lot of stress on a relationship. The husband may have been the wife's priority, but when her child is born the husband as to share her love at the same time he has all the new pressures on im to be a good father and to love and care for this new infant.It is entirely human, though not commendable for a man in this position to miss the excitement of a new romance. In you he has found, as you say, an attractive woman 10 years younger than him, and possibly ten years younger than his wife, who can make him her priority. And when he wants to play happy families all he has to do is to simply go home to his wife and child.
    You do not say how old you are, just that your boyfriend is ten years older than you. Sometimes someone older can seem wiser and more interesting and as you say he isa very attractive man, but you need and deserve more than physical beauty in a man.
    Your sister has behaved badly kissing your boyfriend and he has behaved really badly to you for behaving like that. You can have a heart to heart with your sister and tell her how hurt and betrayed you feel.
    If this man is to be with you, then he needs o earn your love, respect and trust. So send him back to his wife and child. Tell him to either go back and be a good husband and father -or - if he truly loves you and wants to be with you - then tell him he must tell his wife the truth and make arrangements to support his baby. If he chooses you make sure that you wait at least one full year before considering having a child with him. If during that year he lets you down again by flirting with your sister or anyone else, then believe the warning you are being given - and give him up.
    And as for you learn to love yourself a little bit more, don't be so appy to share the love of your life with anyone else. You desrve to be a priority, to be treated with love and respect. Usually if we settle in life, we end up with even less than we settled for. If you let this man, or anyone, treat you as second best now, things are very unlikely to improve.
    Be strong, stand up for yourself and win the respect of this man. If he goes back to his family and \stays, it just shows where his love and loyalt always lay. If he comes back to you, then it will be on terms you both agree and understand and he will need to demonstrate real commitment before you consider making a life and a family with this man.

    (Posted on 2016-08-14 18:50:00 by )
  8. Hi Anonymous,
    I think first thing first you should sit and have a chat with your sister and ask her why she is chatting him up when she knows hes with you. You need to do this first and sort this out with her as family is important. Once she knows how you feel about it she may not do it again if she knows this is affecting you. As for your boyfriend may he does only live there because of the baby or maybe he is lying to you but the only way to find out is to maybe talk to his wife to find out the truth as he may have been telling you lies or he could be telling you the truth but you will never know unless you ask. As for catching your sister and boyfriend kissing this is totally wrong and not on so you should have a good word with both of them. But if he has kissed your sister then if he can do that maybe he is lying about the situation with his wife. You should do all this before you consider having a baby with him as its not fair to bring a baby into this type of situation. Also its not fair on you. I hope this helps to sort out this problem for you.

    (Posted on 2016-08-14 15:28:00 by )
  9. Hi Anonymous,

    Thank you for sharing your problem with me today.

    You are in a bit of a difficult situation, I know you said that your caught your sister kissing your boyfriend, which has understandably upset you, however you have to remember that even though your boyfriend is “supper duper hunky” and says that he loves you all the time, he is also cheating on his wife and child with you, which would suggest that he is not actually a decent man. It sounds to me that your boyfriend has commitment issues and has probably sweet talked your sister into kissing him and made her believe that your relationship is on the rocks.

    I would not be too hard on your sister, as I feel like you have both been taken for a ride by this man and you don’t want to fall out with your family over someone like this. I would arrange to sit down with your sister and tell her that you saw her kissing your boyfriend. Let her give her side of the story, it may be a real eye opener into the man that you say you love. It will then be your decision as to whether you stay with this man or not.

    On a side note, I would definitely advise not to start a family with this guy, as he has not shown any solid commitment to you. Ask yourself the question, ‘if I were to have a child with this man, could I trust him not to go off with another woman’, if the answer is no, then you really shouldn’t be thinking of starting a family with him. You deserve so much better than this man and someone who will stay by your side.

    If you need any further advice please do not hesitate to message me further.

    (Posted on 2016-08-14 13:59:00 by )
  10. Thank you for sharing your problem with me.
    To begin with I do not think you should be mad at your sister- try to speak to her and discuss the situation.
    It seems there are many things about this guy that do not add up to a happy future and relationship together. I wonder if you have not told your sister his situation because you're worried what other people will think of it?
    I personally do not think it is a trustworthy man that lives with his wife and child, has sex with you and wants another child, plus kisses your sister. Please believe there are suitable men out there who would be "yours", with out sharing. If you ended up having his baby, who do you think he would choose? You with a baby, or his wife and baby?
    In my opinion it would be best for you to sit and think about your future, what you picture your relationship being like with someone. For example; marriage, children, their past and how it would feel to start a life with someone new, that you can trust, love and cares more for you than what it sounds like he does.
    How do you even know if his wife knows about any of this?
    Be happy, respect yourself, and do not make excuses for a man who is not willing (from the sounds of things) to leave his wife and be with you.

    (Posted on 2016-08-14 13:11:00 by )
  11. hi hun.
    What a situation to be inI understand that you may love this guy and want a happy ever after but in my honest opinion this isnt going to happen. He is still with his wife and says he slepps in seperate beds and you have also caught him kissing your sister well honestly he isnt a decent human being he is playing you, hes having his cake and eating it and your letting him. If he truly loves you and not his wife he would of left her by now and he also would not of gone sniffing around your sister. I would confront him about it before you even consider this relationship going any further. He maybe staying with his wife for the sake of the baby but if their relationship is an unhappy one you could suffer in the long run. I would also talk to your sister aswell because at the end of the day he could be playing her too and telling her the same things, if this is the case I would run for the hills from this man.

    (Posted on 2016-08-14 09:25:00 by )
  12. Hi Annonymus
    What a situation you're in! You must feel so torn and helpless right now.
    I'm not going to lie to you, I think this is an awful relationship you are in and I think you need to really take a step back and think this through properly. You're partner says he is married with a baby and you have caught him kissing your sister.
    I don't want to sound awful or tell you what to do, but can you fully trust this man when he makes you his secret other woman and has already cheated on you with your sister?
    No woman deserves to be the other woman! You should want a man who wants to show you off to the world and treat you as the only woman he will ever look and think about again.
    Now for your sister, kissing a man who already is in a relationship with you was not nice (but then again, she has done to you, what you are doing to his wife!) but your sister is family, a sister should be a best friend who knows you like no one else, who you can always turn too! Do you want to lose that type of love over a man?
    I think you need to tell your partner straight up, you need to be the only woman or not at all. It's not fair on you and it's definitely not fair on his wife! Give him the ultimatum, and if he leaves you then at least you can go out and find the man who will make you his queen and give you the happy ever after you deserve!

    (Posted on 2016-08-13 10:04:00 by )
  13. Wowza! You have alot going on right here and on every level it's just wrong! First and foremost it sounds like you need a reality check on self worth! No woman shoulkd ever have to steal or share a man for herself but every woman deserves to be treated like a queen and have the man completely to herself, completely trusting and loving anything less than that is selling yourself short and setting yourself up for heartbreak and misery! Secondly, shame on you for interferring wth someones marriage! There is a woman on the other side of this that was promised everything he has promised to you and he married her!!!! Put yourself in her shoes for one minute and think how you would feel as the wife finding out that there was another woman, that should make you wake up right there! Thirdly, your sister is your sister, she is family and always comes first, you need to talk it out and work through it. I hate to point out that she just showed you how it felt to be the other woman and which may have been her intention's all along...Get a grip girl and move on...you deserve so much more!

    (Posted on 2016-08-09 04:35:00 by )
  14. Hi

    What an awful situation you are in. I can understand how special your boyfriend makes you feel but the fact is that he is a married man and married men rarely leave their wives.

    You deserve a man that respects you and devoted to you not someone that you have to share. He is having the bests of both worlds and is not being fair to you, his wife or their

    I suggest breaking it off with him and enjoying yourself, being around people your own age and one day the right person for you will come along.

    What your sister is doing is also very wrong and you are both going to have to work on your relationship and regain the trust.

    I do hope that you can move on with your life, you sound like a wonderul woman who deserves to be happy

    (Posted on 2016-08-08 19:47:00 by )
  15. Hi,
    I am very sorry that you find yourself in this situation and can appreciate how you must be feeling. However, perhaps you should ask yourself if your boyfriend is being completely honest with you, especially where his relationship with his wife is concerned. You only have his side of the story and therefore cannot be completely certain that they do not get on and sleep in separate rooms.
    I know this is hard to hear but he comes across as quite immature and irresponsible in wanting to have a baby with you as he appears to have made no definite plans to leave his wife to be with you. Bringing a child into the world is a huge responsibility and should you have a child together you will need him with you for emotional and practical support.
    You say that he really loves you but ask yourself if this were true then why would he kiss your sister in the first place? He has cheated on his wife and now he has cheated on you. Your sister may have led him on but that in no way excuses his behaviour. It is all about trust. It is also not worth damaging your long term relationship with your sister over this matter so please try to forgive her, however hard that might seem right now.
    I know it will be extremely painful for you but please consider finishing with your boyfriend before the situation gets even worse. At present your judgement is clouded by your emotions which is quite understandable but in time you will meet someone else.You will look back and be glad that you found the strength to end this relationship and move on with your life.
    You deserve better.

    (Posted on 2016-08-07 17:11:00 by )
  16. I understand that because there is so much going on, it is interfering with your thought process so your mind is unclear. I understand your levels of frustration
    which include:

    1. Problems he's told you he has with his wife. (hopefully true)
    2. Fact that your sister seems to be trying to pursue him hard.
    3. What you witnessed between them both.
    4. Your'e worried that he may choose her over you.

    However, the main thing you need to focus on is first:

    1) if he is telling the truth about problems with his wife.

    2. If he is why isn't he trying to sort himself out in terms of if the marriage is so bad, he should be focusing on trying to get a divorce.

    3. If his marriage is unstable as how he puts it to you, why should he be focusing on making it more unstable by involving two (?) other women into the picture-(and only one you know about-your sister)? Because it makes no sense to be living a wishy washy life with no direction as to what you want to do, where you want to go, or who you want to be with and especially he is a male and males are generally seen as the leaders in society?

    4. Because if this continues it is evident that if you continue into the relationship with him, this kind of instability will be reflected in other parts of the relationship with you. He needs to get a grip of himself and start making decisions about the direction he wants for his life.

    5. Is this the best kind of relationship that you would want to be in? He might be a nice person, good looking and a good friend, but you have to weigh his actions (in your relationship) as he is the main player here.

    My final thoughts is you will now have some questions to ask him, and depending on his responses, you will be in an excellent position to know what you must do with your life. All I know is I don't want a wishi washi lifestyle for you, I want stability for you but only you can decide that after your discussion. All the best.

    (Posted on 2016-08-04 18:39:00 by )
  17. Did it ever occur to you that your sister made those kissing and sexual moves toward your boyfriend in an attempt to show you his true colors? If he's willing to kiss her while being with you, he is definitely not valuing you. Your sister could simply be trying to show you this. You should ask yourself if you really want to be with this kind of man. Also, the fact that he's married and has a child, yet leads you on to some sort of relationship with him makes him totally lacking in being decent. A decent man would work with what he's created and not "add more women" to his life. Sorry to say that,but it's true. There are men out there who are willing to be totally committed to you, just you. It's best to talk with your sister about her motives, break it off with the boyfriend who's not respectful to you at all, and wait for that right, good, respectable man for you!

    (Posted on 2016-08-04 12:07:00 by )
  18. (corrected) Hello Ma'am,
    I apologize on behalf of those who have betrayed you. Your sister has no right to entertain your boyfriend in ways you should. I admit that is not what sisters are supposed to do. Though she was wrong for doing that, your boyfriend is the one who is really at fault. In actuality his wife is the one he is married to and belongs to. How are you really sure that they sleep in seperate beds? Why doesnt he move out ? If he really loved you like he said he would not have kissed your sister and left his wife for real. Another question I have is if he is lying to his wife, who is also the mother of his child , why wouldnt he lie to you? Please understand I mean no harm to your feelings and your boyfriend is still technically someones husband. Please consider those things I mentioned before you go further with that "relationship." Thank you for your time and I wish you the best.

    (Posted on 2016-08-02 04:36:00 by )
  19. Hello Ma'am,
    I apologize on behalf of those who have betraying you. Your sister has no right to entertain your boyfriend in ways you should. I admit that is not what sisters are supposed to do. Though she was wrong for doing that, your boyfriend is the one who is really at fault. In actuality his wife is the one he is married to and belongs to. How are you really sure that they sleep in seperate beds? Why doesnt he move out ? If he really loved you like he said he would not have kissed your sister and left his wife for real. Another question I have is if he is lying to his wife, who is also the mother of his child , why wouldnt he lie to you? Please understand I mean no harm to your feelings and your boyfriend is still technically someones husband. Please consider those things I mentioned before you go further with that "relationship." Thank you for your time and I wish you the best.

    (Posted on 2016-08-02 04:29:00 by )
  20. Dear Annonymous,
    First of all I am very sorry to hear what you are going through. I understand that you will be annoyed with your sister but your boyfriend is also in the wrong!
    Have you spoken to your sister and boyfriend about what happened? If not I would talk to your sister and ask her why she would do something like that to you. I would also ask your boyfriend why he went along with it, and if it meant anything too him.
    If your boyfriend truely loved you he wouldnt have been kissing your sister, however I suppose the circumstances in which it happened could explan more? Was it just a friendly kiss on the cheek infront of you? If so then you should still speak too both your sister and boyfreind but then try too forget about it. If they were properly kissing in a different room behind your back and you walked in on it, then it is completely different. If this is the case then I would suggest that you take a break from your relationship.
    There is nothing you can do apart from talk too your sister, tell her how serious you are about starting a family with him, once you've spoken to her you hope that she will respect you enough too leave your boyfriend. If your sister can not respect that then you need to talk to your boyfriend and tell him about how you feel and what your sister has said!
    If they were both kissing each other then they are both equally too blame and he can't be that serious about starting a family with you if he will kiss your sister, but again that depends on the circumstances on which it happened in!

    Good luck with everything, and remember that your sister will never know how serious you are or how you feel unless you talk to her about it!

    (Posted on 2016-08-01 11:31:00 by )
  21. i get that you are angry and you are feeling betrayed with your sister and boyfriend. however i dont think your boyfriend is not right for you to begin with he is married with a kid. evein if him and his wif do not get along they are still together and that should tell you something. it should tell you something about him and it should have you thinking about your relationship with him. also if is willing to kiss your sister and you two are together he do not respest you and you should not be with someone who do not respect you. if he say he wants to have a baby with you and he is going behind your back and kissing your sister he do not mean what he say it sound like to me. he might just be useing you it maybe hard to hear to you might want to think about it. i dont think you should be with him you should find someone your age and that respect you and would not do that to you.

    (Posted on 2016-08-01 02:49:00 by )
  22. Dear Anonymous,

    I’m so sorry to be the one who has to tell you, but this man is no good. I do not resist your claim when you say he loves you. I’m am quite sure he tells you and confirms this through actions all the time. The truth in the matter is he is married and has a wife and you found him and your sister kissing. I understand he is a good looking man, but do you think you are being blinded by his looks and putting up with things you normally wouldn’t in a normal relationship? From an outsider's perspective it seems he is interested in women for the means of satisfying his sexual urges, and this may be the reasoning behind him wanting to have a child with you. Would you really be comfortable knowing there is another women in the world who bared his child as well? I know you trust he is in separate bedrooms with his wife, but has the trust not been broken at all since you found him kissing your sister? While I do believe your sister is trying to steal him, I also think she is being blindsided by this man as well. There is no way for you to know the lines he is also feeding your sister. Perhaps he tells her he’d like to sleep with her and have his baby too. I think you need to put family first and confide in your sister how you are feeling. Hopefully she opens up to you as well and spreads all the dish. Then you too can strengthen your bond as sisters and both show this man the door. I know he seems impossible to get over and I’m sure he is charming, but you need to be strong. Take into account he has a child with another women he lives with and he kissed your sister. This man is not being faithful and the proof is that he would kiss your sister. Instead of only blaming your sister, you need to let this man go and realize his true colors to move on instead. Family is forever and this man proved to just be a stepping stone on your path to true love. There are many other good looking men out there who will treat you the way you deserve. Close your heart on this one and open it to the possibilites of new love.

    (Posted on 2016-08-01 12:36:00 by )
  23. Dear Anonymous,
    First, I understand and respect the fact that I don't know much about the background story as to how you got involved with him in the first place. Or how long the two of you have been involved. But I am going to be a little blunt here and say that the fact that he's married and that you're involved with him, in the first place, is very irresponsible. Secondly, the reason he's staying with his wife is not a healthy one but, unfortunately, only he can decide to leave her. Third, the fact that he's indicated that he also wants you to have a child with him speaks volumes about how pettily selfish he really is (assuming that you haven't agreed to having a child with him-which I'm going to assume that you haven't because otherwise, you probably wouldn't be complaining about it here). Finally, yes, your sister's intentions do make her a guilty party but the fact that he hasn't set any boundaries with her makes him equally guilty. He is clearly very narcissistic, impulsive. noncommital and has only been using you (and apparently now your sister as well) like a chess pawn for his own ends. I know that it may hurt to hear this but you really do deserve better! My final advice would be to end it with him ASAP and look for someone who will love and appreciate you for who you are and be committed to you. As for your sister, yes, there may be some tension between you and there may even be a chance that she'll cut off contact with you. Whatever she decides to do is up to her. All you can do here is just go with what you know is right and stick with it no matter what. Good luck.

    (Posted on 2016-07-31 04:20:00 by )
  24. Dear Anonymous,
    Dear Anonymous,

    Dear Anonymous
    This guy may be attractive and all that you, however you need to wise up and realize that he is using both you and your sister. I know that you feel betrayed and upset that your sister is stealing your boyfriend, it is wrong of her to do this but your boyfriend also has a wife so he can't and you do not know if what he has told you about his wife is true. If it is true he is still not a person that is inclined to be faithful to you. You deserve better, you need to let your sister know that you are displeased with her behaviour and also dump this man. There is someone better out there for you, who will love you and no one else. Do not allow yourself to settle for a loveless and complicated relationship with a self serving man.

    (Posted on 2016-07-29 23:26:00 by )
  25. Dear Anonymous:
    I understand why you're feeling frustrated. You have 2 people in your life who are important to you and they're crossing your boundaries and betraying your trust. So first things first. Your Sister: Tell her how what she's doing is making you feel and that she needs to respect you enough to not kiss your boyfriends or ex-boyfriends. Let her know that she crossed the line and that's unacceptable.
    Your Boyfriend: If you stay with him you are forfeiting the life you could have with a real boyfriend. Someone who isn't married to someone else and is all yours. You need to take a good look at what you want out of a relationship. He will probably never leave his wife unless he has to. The best thing for you to do is to tell him that it's either her or you. If he picks her, then its time to find a better man. I hope this helps and I'm pulling for you.

    (Posted on 2016-07-28 22:55:00 by )
  26. Dear Anonamous,
    listen to me sometimes love is complicated. That's the truth, so you need to evaluate it. Yes your sister shouldn't have been kissing him but it wasn't just her fault he was in the act too he could've stopped her but didn't. What i'm telling you hurts but you know it's true Think about it he's already tricked 3 women. His wife because i'm sure he didn't tell her about you. You for your sister. And your sister because he's costing her you. Her Family. He already has a family already has a baby. The only thing stopping you from being like his wife is that she already made her choice. But you can still change it you can leave him and talk to your sister, put family first. And one day you'll find a gentleman who will stay true to you. I only hope that you remember what i told you and find a happy ending.

    (Posted on 2016-07-27 23:55:00 by )
  27. Dear Anonamous,
    I understand how this must feel for you, feeling what you feel but contridicting with what you are seeing. Truly unpleasent. This man clearly is not happy in his own life and is looking for an escape from his own problems because its easier for him to look the other way rather than deal with his problem. Be that as it is you are not an excuse. Interacting with you and your sister is perfect for him because it gives him lots to do and think about like sex, stringing you along and getting you and you're sisters hopes and emotions up . What I would advise to you is a serious conversation with him making him understand that you are not a play thing, sex toy or an excuse. You are a strong attractive woman who diserves to be treated with love and respect. Make him understand you are breaking things off so he can be a man and sort his porblems out, if he is as much a man as you love him or he thinks he is then he will get things sorted be with you if he really means it.
    Advise your sister to break things off with him aswell for the same reasons and the fact that a man does not play with women's heart.
    If he really means what he says then he will work his balls off to sort his problems, make the right decision and come back to your with a loving heart and some heavy apologies.
    At the same time you have to be strong to my dear. If you want him to take you seriously and treat you the way you should be treated then I urge you to look past the 'Hunk' and at the bigger picture of what is best for you. A display of confident strength will say to him how strong you are and how lucky he should think himself.
    After all that if he has done nothing for his problems, you feel things slipping back to how they were then severing all ties and communication is the best course of action, sadly he won't change and you diserve 100,000,000% better than that wannabe womanizer.
    If he tries, you see real progress and effort on his behalf then there is much to smile about. He would not put the effort in if he didn't want to fight for your love!
    Good luck my dear. I wish you all the best!
    Love edwardflint100

    (Posted on 2016-07-27 14:39:00 by )
  28. Dear girl,
    this man is not worthy. He is a liar and I'm pretty sure he lies to you, too. I know love blinds us all, but he might just love sleeping with you. I think you should not trust him even with the fact that he sleeps separately from his wife. I'm sure you're strong enough to leave him out of your life and that will be the best for you. And about your sister - she might has fallen into "his spell", too. Talk with her and I hope you both figure it out and help each other to overcome this man.

    (Posted on 2016-07-26 13:01:00 by )
  29. Dear Anonemous,
    I feel for you I really do! What I am hearing from you is that you feel betrayed by your sister. And I think that the only way to heal this feeling is to be honest and sit down and calmly explain to your sister the hurt that she has caused you with her actions. It might not be a instant healing but beleve me no matter what, your sister will always be your sister and boyfriends often come and go. So this relationship with your sister is definatly worth some extra effort to heal the current rift but also learn together what is and is not acceptable now as you both grow and evolve in to grown women.

    Now moving on to this Boyfriend, I know that when our hart is captured often our brain is not given a look in.
    But can I ask you this if you your best friend or even your sister was in a relationship with a man ( regardless of the age unless your underage of course ) who was still living in the marital home, had a child. Would you be worried about them? would you still think that they had your friends best intrest at hart?
    And then what if he then kissed another friend or her sister wouldnt that sound alarm bells to you? So as your friend I want to say to you please please open your eyes sweethart this man might be gorgeous, he might tell you that he loves you and telling you he wants to have sex with you and have a baby with you, But if all this was really really true why is he still living with his wife? because I garentee you that he is likly to be still hugging her, sleeping with her and kissing her as his wife and she probubly has no idea that there is anything wrong or that he has you thinking that her relationship is falling apart. And what if you had not walked in on him and your sister, would he have told you? I really dont think he would have. It sounds like he kissed her back and you were lucky you walked in on them now so that it couldnt go any further.
    So its time to wake up honey and smell the coffee this man is playing you and came close to ripping your family appart by setting his sights on your sister just because he can.
    The truth is this man dose not respect you or he would not be preasurising you to sleep with him or be kissing your sister. You are worth so much more so go and make up with your sister and make a pact that each others boyfriends no matter how hunky are off limits and get shot of that bad boy boyfriend who is playing you and your sister for his own amusment! And dont forget it might be exciting now but he will keep doing this to you because right now you dont value yourself above him. So go away and get to know yourself and value yourself before all others.
    Sending love and streangh
    Chelle

    (Posted on 2016-07-26 11:55:00 by )
  30. Your answer lies directly in your question...look deep you will find it.....when you found him and your sister kissing it is wrong of you to place blame on just your sister they both are accountable he has been unfaithful to his wife ( Dispite what he tells you) he has been unfaithful to his wife with you. He has been unfaithful to you....He has been Unfaithful to you with your sister!!! Ask yourself is this what you want? Is this the type of man who will Enhance your life? He has allready been unfaithful X2 and thats oly based on what we know to this point....Please RUN!! This man is no good for you!! I know as I have had experienced tis same situation it hurt me like hell...it broke my heart, HOWEVER, it did pass and I was soooo happy that I let him go...This man clearly only cares for himself...Once a cheater.....Always a cheater..Thats the man you now have in front of you..Is this the man you truly need...He will only complicate your life...f you don't believe it stay with him..Some people just may need to find these things out the hard way..Good luck I truly hope you move on to find a person who genuinly cares about you!!!

    (Posted on 2016-07-26 02:30:00 by )
  31. Oh my dear!

    I do believe you have fallen for a PLAYER! He is 10 years older than you? Warning bells should be sounding the alert in your head!

    It is so easy to fall prey to his kind. Mostly likely, you are young and impressionable and are flattered by all this attention. Do your homework, honey. Become a detective. Go to his home and find out for yourself. A man who is devoted to a woman would not be kissing your sister. Wake up and slurp the coffee, my love. You deserve better.

    (Posted on 2016-07-25 22:33:00 by )
  32. Dear Anonymous,
    First of all I must ask how old are you? Why do I ask? Well let me say we just need to work on your spelling just a tad bit. Secondly, This man already has a wife and it does not matter if they are sleeping in seprate beds or not. Your mad that your sister is chatting with him, well you should be mad at yourself. You are a woman who should dignify herself as respectable and to be talking to a man who is married, and no less has a child, is not respectable. What would your mom think if you were talking with a married man? If he says that he wants to have sex with you and have a baby with you you need to reconsider this man. He maybe a good catch, but look what he is doing to his wife. Do you not think he wont cheat with you? Girl just get over this man and move on he is not even worth your time.
    Love Dearly,
    Angela

    (Posted on 2016-07-24 05:51:00 by )
  33. Thank you for taking the time to write, we all need advice from time to time. In your letter you said that your boyfriend loves and belongs to you, he’s a good catch, and EXTREMELY attractive. When you belong to someone it feels great doesn’t it? Like life is perfect and you will always be safe because you have that person by your side. When a man belongs only to you, he would never put himself in a situation that would make you think otherwise. He would never allow another woman to get close enough to him to kiss him or do anything else romantic or sexual, because he belongs only to you. He would protect his relationship with you, because you are his heart. Your sister was allowed to kiss your boyfriend because he’s made it clear that he is not committed to anyone, but himself. He may say that he loves you, but love is an action word. Love proves itself.
    My advice for you is two fold, first talk with your sister. Tell her of your hurt and anger, then find a way to work together to mend this tear in your relationship. It may take some time, but you can learn to trust your sister again. Second, let go you this guy who is willing to cheat not only on his wife, but on you. Your heart and relationship with your sister is worth so much more than what your boyfriend is giving you. Remember, you deserve a man that is committed only to you. Keep us updated on your progress with your sister, and don’t hesitate to write again if you need any more advice.

    Always,
    Leslie Autumn

    (Posted on 2016-07-23 17:45:00 by )
  34. I think you need to sit down with your sister, address the problem to her and tell her how you feel and ask her why she is doing it and try to get to the root of her behaviour she has with him also tell her that she will find someone for her one day. You should also have a word with your boyfriend and ask him why he kissed her back and you should take a break away from your boyfriend because if he can cheat on his wife he can do it to you and you don't want to get hurt and just think on the break you might just find someone who is just as good as him also think how his wife feels if she found out and he done the same thing to you. You and your sister should travel together and get your sisterly bond back and think how much better and refreshed you would feel.

    I hope this advice helped,
    Shannon J

    (Posted on 2016-07-22 21:57:00 by )
  35. You have to ask yourself one question, since you owe that much to yourself before you owe him any benefit of the doubt: Do you deserve to be shared with another women? If the answer is no, then you should end whatever it is that you have with him. It is often the case that a man (since its a mans world) often takes advantage of situations that leave a women vulnerable. At the moment nothing is in your hands but everything is in your power to be changed. Your sister is an irrelevant factor at the moment. The guy needs to show by all means that he is devoted to you and no one else. So you need to get your priorities straight. Ask him questions that you turn towards websites or social media. You don’t want to end up being his baby mama and then have no one to take care of your kid! It is often the case that we neglect ourselves when we are in such difficult situations, but my advise to you would be to put this guy and your sister aside for a while. Take a week off to yourself. Now i know that seems hard but believe it or not, you don’t have to do anything in this week. Just relax and think for yourself. Soon it will click in that a man or anyone else in this world that does not prioritise you does not deserve to be in your life. You must put your needs first, give yourself self-love and there is a chance that you will grow and come out to be a stronger person at the end of this situation and might be able to guide your sister as well. From what we can tell at the moment, he cannot be trusted so you must take the first steps to make sure that you are not left to pick up the mess.

    (Posted on 2016-07-20 16:36:00 by )
  36. The first thing I would do is to try to talk calmly with your man about what he has done and why? Then I would try to talk calmly to your sister about what has occurred. It would be a shame if perhaps a one off silly moment could jeopardise the relationship you have with your sister. I think you need to ask your man if he will be leaving his wife as clearly, if he doesn't there is no future in a relationship between you and this man. He has other commitments, his baby, and really should be waking up to those commitments. It sounds like you are young and have your whole life ahead of you. I know it sounds hard and perhaps something you don't want to consider at the moment, but I think you would be better off finding someone nearer your own age you doesn't have these ties and then I am sure you will be a whole heap happier. I hope my advise will help you on your way to making the correct decision for yourself.

    (Posted on 2016-07-20 16:23:00 by )
  37. Well darling, If he is talking to your sister and you and him is low key at this point dont get mad at your sister be mad at him. He doesn't seem to value yours and his relationship if he is doing this to your sister imagine how many else are there. The best route to take is to have a one on one talk with him and maybe cut ties. You have to value and know your worth and not tolerate him. It is going to be hard yes but he is wrong just as she was. She threw herself at him and he didnt dodge her if a man who claims to love you wouldn't in no way, shape or form will hurt you. As a sister she was wrong and its okay to be mad at her but don't let you guys sisterhood break over this one guy. Family is most important than any guy. Tell her how much she hurt you and try to talk it out with her the best you can. Yes she was wrong and its going to take some time for you to overcome that pain but remember she is your sister. I wish you all the luck in this situation and hope it helped some.

    (Posted on 2016-07-20 15:11:00 by )
  38. Dear my sister kissed my boyfriend,
    There are a few red flags to your problem. One you have feelings for a man that is married, he has not only tried to be sexual with you, but also your sister. I know you have feelings and this situation is hard for you and that your sister over stepped her bounderies, but this has a true message to you. Perhaps you should look at it as if you were the one married to him. Would you want your husband doing this, regardless of what he says is going on at home? If he can betray your trust by sharing a kiss with your sister, who is to say he isn't lying about his situation at home? Also, can you live with the idea of having a child with a man who isn't going to leave his wife because of they child they share, how is that fair to you and your child? As much as it hurts, you should cut ties now and move on, before getting hurt anyworse. There is an old saying, once a cheat...always a cheat. In a way hasn't he already done that to you...it takes two..it's not just your sister at fault here.
    I wish you luck in what ever decision you make with this horrible situation.

    (Posted on 2016-07-19 12:23:00 by )
  39. Dear Anonymous;
    First of all, make sure this man truly loves you as much as he says he does. Second of all, are you prepared to be in a relationship with a married man? Don't get caught up in the fairytale idea that he is going to leave his wife and child for you. It comes with a lot of trials and tribulations, it may seem like an exciting experience now but no one wants to see you get hurt. Last of all, I think you should sit down with him and your sister and have a honest conversation about what you saw. To gain respect you need to give it and holding grudges is not the right way to sort this out. If both your sister and your boyfriend love you they will respect you enough to leave each other alone.
    I care only for your happiness and your well being and wish you all the best, I hope it all works out for you!
    -J. x

    (Posted on 2016-07-18 16:00:00 by )
  40. Whenever feelings are tangled up into a situation it makes our minds struggle to see the bigger picture as naturally we follow our hearts but the mind should agree to allow the heart to flourish. I feel you are assessing the situation with only your heart and the heart is vulnerable and longs for another where as the head can see things clearer and is more practical. The head is less likely to be fooled. Try putting yourself in your sister shoes she had no idea about your relationship so should you be angry at a betrayal she doesn’t know she’s committed? Then put yourself in your boy friends wife’s shoes. Would you live a happy life being with a man that is saying he doesn’t love you to another women while you sit at home with a child? There is a great saying actions speak louder than words and from the actions your boyfriend has chosen do they really clarify the words he has spoken to you? Would you really be happy having a baby and a life with this man while he leads another one with his wife? Everyone should be the lead of there own story. Are you the lead of yours Or are you a shadow of someone else’s?

    (Posted on 2016-07-15 12:33:00 by )
  41. Whenever feelings are tangled up into a situation it makes our minds struggle to see the bigger picture as naturally we follow our hearts but the mind should agree to allow the heart to flourish. I feel you are assessing the situation with only your heart and the heart is vulnerable and longs for another where as the head can see things clearer and is more practical. The head is less likely to be fooled. Try putting yourself in your sister shoes she had no idea about your relationship so should you be angry at a betrayal she doesn’t know she’s committed? Then put yourself in your boy friends wife’s shoes. Would you live a happy life being with a man that is saying he doesn’t love you to another women while you sit at home with a child? There is a great saying actions speak louder than words and from the actions your boyfriend has chosen do they really clarify the words he has spoken to you? Would you really be happy having a baby and a life with this man while he leads another one with his wife? Everyone should be the lead of there own story. Are you the lead of yours Or are you a shadow of someone else’s?

    (Posted on 2016-07-15 12:33:00 by )
  42. Dear anonymous,
    Firstly, I can't imagine how you're feeling right now, what an awful experience for you. But I will remind you the saying, it takes two to tango. Perhaps the fact him and his wife don't get on has caused him to inflict this negative on you, yet this is no excuse. Maybe the age difference shows how you may want different things, however I do believe if he's mature enough to have a child then he should be mature enough to look after your relationship. Regardless, I feel there are a few things that must be done in order for your relationship to work and before any rash decisions like a baby become underway. I can assure you in all relationships honesty is the best policy and is the best way to gain trust, a relationship won't work without it. I think you need to sit down and speak to both your sister and boyfriend and evaluate what happened. Ask questions like, how and why did this happen? Why do you think this is okay? What will change in order for both relationships to progress? And anything else rushing through your head, any unanswered questions. Depending on how both respond is the next step. If you feel like you can trust him then I suggest move forwards but set boundaries for your relationship to work. However, I must remind you a man isn't decent if he cheats my lovely. Don't be hard on yourself as it seems you've put a lot of time and effort into this relationship, but take things slowly. I feel that if he is the good catch you believe him to be he will wait for sex and children until you're back into the good place in your relationship again. Be honest with him your sister and yourself to decide what's best for you emotionally, (being a bit selfish now and then doesn't hurt ;) ). In regards to your relationship with your sister, tell her this is not okay. Let her know how you felt seeing that and ask her how she would feel in your position, the saying treat others how you want to be treated goes a long way sweetie. Perhaps spending time together after clearing the air with her (if you decide to forgive her) will be a good idea to get that sister bond back and allow you to gain that well needed quality time with eachother. Learn to forgive and don't hold grudges, it never does any favours. However really let her know how she hurt you, and allow her to graft to prove how sorry she is, after all she is too in the wrong as well as your boyfriend. In fact, they both owe you the respect to go nowhere near eachother in that sense no matter the attraction. Use this circumstance as a turning point for you and as a lesson in which you can learn from. I don't believe a baby is best for you right now, wait till your have rebuilt your relationship in all senses and then the decision is yours, he needs to be faithful before you can trust him with another life. The best ways to build your relationship are time and effort on equal parts- spend more time together but still give eachother space as a chance to recharge, relax and create the oppurtunity of missing one another. Not only this but if you carry on in your relationship, give him a chance to prove himself and let him come to you. Let him graft and work for you as he should be doing everything possible to regain your trust if he loves you and sees a future with you. If you feel he's right for you then persevere with your relationship as a decent man and soul mate can be hard to find, but remember not to let him get away with it, If i was you girly I wouldn't put all the blame on your sister as she will always be there for life but have some time to yourself to think before you can forgive her or talk about it. When you feel you're ready go for that sister bonding time I mentioned earlier, it should work wonders but understandably you won't be ready right now. Time is a good healer.
    With kind regards and best wishes. Please keep in touch with future details, your agony aunt Xxx

    (Posted on 2016-07-13 23:36:00 by )
  43. Dear "Chatting Up my Boyfriend,"
    I can tell this is making you really upset; it's especially painful to be on bad terms with someone close like a sister. You're wondering how to get her to stop chasing your boyfriend, so first, let's take a step back and look realistically at that situation. It takes two to kiss, so she is not the only responsible person there. He participated, and apparently, willingly. Also, if she is chatting him up, how does he respond to that? Does he seem to enjoy it? If he seems receptive to your sister's attentions, it's time you had a good heart-to-heart talk with her. See if you can figure out if her attentiion toward him is all one-sided on her part, or if he is open to them. If you find out that your man is liking your sister in a romantic way, then you have some thinking to do about your future with him. He's not being trustworthy.
    You did not ask me about this second topic, but in my concern for you, I will briefly mention this to you as well. Is your boyfriend going behind his wife's back to have a romantic relationship with you? If not, great! When is the divorce? (He will get to see the baby plenty.) If he is going behind her back... not so good. In that case it's very possible that his marriage isn't as bad as he says, and he may be leading you on just so you'll have sex with him. Not only that, but if, in talking to your sister, you find trhat he is a willing participant in flirting with her, that tells you that he is a man prone to being unfaithful to anyone. He may have many other good qualities, but your getting mixed up with someone who cannot be faithful will eventually lead to a lot of heart-break for you.
    Bottom line, I would advise you to talk honestly with your sister, and then with your boyfriend, as well. You deserve to have the truth from both of them, so you can make the best decisions for your own life and future happiness.

    (Posted on 2016-07-13 18:02:00 by )
  44. Dear Lost in Love,
    First of all thankyou for writing and being brave enough to share your story. So the main problem I can take from your post is your anger and upset towards your sister - you need to realise that it takes two to tango, and as much as your sister is in the wrong, so is your man. Your sister is oblivious to your feelings towards this man as stated above she does not know you want to have a baby together. Therefore my advice to you would be to sit down together and explain why you are hurting to her, let her know how deep your feelings are for this man and explain the situation. The more someone understands your feelings, the less likely they are to hurt you especially your sister. I can only assume you and your sister normally have a good relationship? If so, then take the time to explain and give her a chance to apologise. But whilst you do this - remember it is your man who knows his feelings for you and went on to kiss your sister. It is perhaps him you need to talk to moreso. In terms of your relationship with the gentleman in question it is apparent he has a wife and child - does she know about your relationship with her husband? If he is keeping you a secret, as much as he may love you it is not fair on you or the wife. If this man of yours wants to start a family with you also, will he leave his wife for you? And will he provide? These are all questions you need to sit down and talk to him about. As much as you are in love, I can tell - you have to think of yourself and your family if you were to go on and start one together. If he has already started seeing someone behind his wifes back, and has gone on to kiss your sister behind your back - you have to think will you end up in the same situation his wife is currently - because as with her, it is not fair on you. I respect completly him wanting to support and be there for his child but if his heart is not in the relationship but with you, you need to hear him say this and prove it. Once you have spoken to your man and cleared up his feelings and where you stand with him, then again recite this to your sister, whilst you may have alot of anger towards her, if she knew more about your relationship then she would be more inclined to have respect for both your partner, your relationship and your future together. I hope this has helped. I think you have alot of questions to ask both yourself and your partner before you tackle your situation with your sister. And just remember you are important and deserve to be number one in this man's life so make sure he puts you there.
    Look after you,
    Your Helping Hand.

    (Posted on 2016-07-12 19:58:00 by )
  45. Dear Love Triangle-
    You have gotten yourself in to quite a predicament; and a few your statements are both puzzling and very concerning.
    First and foremost, a partner is not an object and there is no possession when in a romantic relationship. A romantic relationship should consist of two equal counterparts that love each other. Without equality, you cannot achieve true harmony in a romantic relationship.
    With that being said, I am concerned with the relationship with the wife. While he may say that he is estranged from his wife, his behavior indicates this may not be the case. It is very possible that he is lying to you about their relationship. If he honestly wanted a relationship with you, he would not be trying to seek a physical relationship with your sister. This tells me that he really is only in it for sex and is not as vested in this relationship as you are.
    And him engaging your sister romantically, is a red flag and the most troubling part. Your sister may be engaging in this behavior for a myriad of reasons. Is she only engaging because he is forceful with his courting and hard to resist? Is she doing it because she lacks self-esteem created from bad relationships? Is she purposely coming onto him to spite you? Or is she really that self-absorbed and narcissistic that she just doesn’t care who she hurts?
    In order to address your sister and stop the behavior, you need to communicate with her. You need to find out the reasons for her behavior. Maybe her behavior is a cry for help or attention, but you will never know until you start the dialogue. And your relationship with your sister is more important than anything else. You can’t just get her to “stop” without addressing the issue first. Talk to her. And always remember, actions speak louder than words.

    (Posted on 2016-07-08 20:13:00 by )
  46. Part 2

    ... he is just playing around and he doesn´t care how much he could hurt you by getting involved with a member of your family.

    Now to your sister: You say that it hurts you that she wants to be with him. But don´t you think he should be the person to be mad with? Because he cheated on you and kissed her. I am saying this because you wrote that she doesn´t know about him telling you that he loves you, wanting to have sex with him and have a baby... which leads me to the assumption that she might not know at all that you guys are kind of dating? If not, you shouldn´t wait tell he right away... if she really doesn´t know about you guys, she is somehow not to blame because she is not betraying you. But then you wrote that she wants to steal him from you which sounds as if she knew about you being in love and involved with him- this would be a terrible thing to do as a sister and something to judge. But even if this is he case, a family bond is strong and you can get trough this, if you talk about everything and she stops her behavior. No matter- you should go and talk to her right away. Talking ist the key to your problem with her. Explain her that she is hurting your feelings with her behavior. And then you should tell her everything else about him as well- about him being married etc. because she thinks he is a good catch. He is not and this is an important thing you gotta understand, honey. Besides that, a sister is way more important than any random guy not treating you the way you deserve and I really hope you girls are gonna have a long talk and sort this out. He is not worth that you fall out with each other! I am sure your sister loves you and wants you to be happy somehow and I really hope she will stop hitting on him. Then you both girls should go out together and celebrate life without such a jerk (excuse my choice of words). None of you need him in your life.

    I really hope things with your sister will turn out for the best. And I am sure you will find a great guy soon that is worth all your effort and love- a guy that is not yet married and only wants to be with you. As soon as you cut off things with your current guy and move on with your life, this special guy will appear, it only might take while. But it´s gonna be worth the wait, I promise.

    All the best for you!

    (Posted on 2016-07-06 13:01:00 by )
  47. Dear sad sister,

    I am sorry to hear that you are currenty in a situtation that makes you feel unhappy. But I think it´s time for tough love here. Let´s face the facts.

    I know you came here for advice what to do with your sister trying to steal your boyfriend. But I think it´s necessary first to have closer look at this guy you want to be with so bad- because I can tell you Sweety, you deserve so much better than him!

    The guy you are in love with is married. He has a family and even if he and his wife sleep in seperate rooms and are not having sex anymore, he cheats on her. Because he wasn´t honest and told her about you, am I right? I have to say that all this is really not a very good characteristic trait of his. And maybe his wife would maybe be better off without him- but this is another topic and I am here to help you and not her. You wrote that he doesn´t have the guts to end his marriage because of the little one. This sounds like a responsible and caring father in the first place but then you added that he wants to have a child with you as well, which is just totally selfish, immature (even if he is way older than you) and cruel towards his child in this situation. And how would this turn out? Even if he says that he loves you, I have to say his action says different. A guy can tell you a thousand timest hat he loves you but when his actions don´t resemble this, it´s getting difficult. So, if you guys would have a child together, how could this work out? He says he can´t leave her because of their kid and canßt really commit to you becauseof it... but what if you guys are having on together as well? All his behavior doesn´t make any sense at all. Do you really wanna have a man´s baby when he is someone someone who is betraying everyone around him? One could assume that he is maybe not a really good human being and I have to say he is not be worth your love and attention anyway, so you really shouldn´t be with him. I am sure you are a smart, beautiful girl inside-out and you are not in the need of such a person because you are way better. And if you change your perspective, how would you feel if you would be in his wife´s shoes? She might think they´re gonna make it work again some day... but that´s not important now because I am for sure not going to judge you because you are on love with a married man, don´t get me wrong. Love is crazy and we really can´t choose who we fall in love with because we can´t control how we feel. But we can try to look at our feelings and learn from them and grow. That´s what I advise you to do.

    Besides the fact that he is still married and tell you he loves you, he tries to hook up with your sister (!). He is just playing around and he doesn´t care how much he could hurt you by getting involved with a member of your family.

    Now to your sister: You say that it hurts you that she wants to be with him. But don´t you think he should be the person to be mad with? Because he cheated on you and kissed her. I am saying this because you wrote that she doesn´t know about him telling you that he loves you, wanting to have sex with him and have a baby... which leads me to the assumption that she might not know at all that you guys are kind of dating? If not, you shouldn´t wait tell he right away... if she really doesn´t know about you guys, she is somehow not to blame because she is not betraying you. But then you wrote that she wants to steal him from you which sounds as if she knew about you being in love and involved with him- this would be a terrible thing to do as a sister and something to judge. But even if this is he case, a family bond is strong and you can get trough this, if you talk about everything and she stops her behavior. No matter- you should go and talk to her right away. Talking ist the key to your problem with her. Explain her that she is hurting your feelings with her behavior. And then you should tell her everything else about him as well- about him being married etc. because she thinks he is a good catch. He is not and this is an important thing you gotta understand, honey. Besides that, a sister is way more important than any random guy not treating you the way you deserve and I really hope you girls are gonna have a long talk and sort this out. He is not worth that you fall out with each other! I am sure your sister loves you and wants you to be happy somehow and I really hope she will stop hitting on him. Then you both girls should go out together and celebrate life without such a jerk (excuse my choice of words). None of you need him in your life.

    I really hope things with your sister will turn out for the best. And I am sure you will find a great guy soon that is worth all your effort and love- a guy that is not yet married and only wants to be with you. As soon as you cut off things with your current guy and move on with your life, this special guy will appear, it only might take while. But it´s gonna be worth the wait, I promise.

    All the best for you!

    The guy you are in love with is married. He has a family and he cheats on his wife. I have to say that this is really not a very good characteristic trait of his. And maybe his wife would maybe be better off without him- but this is another topic and I am here to help you and not her. You wrote that he doesn´t have the guts to end his marriage because of the little one. This sounds as a responsible and caring father in the first place but then you added that he wants to have a child with you as well.which
    Do you really wanna be together with someone who is betraying everone around him? Besides the fact that one could say that he is not acting like a good human being and might not be worth your love and attention anyway, you shouldn´t force to be with him. I am sure you are a beautiful girl inside-out and you are not in the need of such a person because you are way better. And if you change your perspective, how would you feel if you would be in his wife´s shoes? I am not here to judge you because you are on love with a married man, don´t get me wrong. Love is crazy and we really can´t choose who we fall in love with because we can´t control how we feel. But we can try to look at our feelings and learn from them. You say that it hurts you that he trys to hook up with your sister. I have to say, t

    (Posted on 2016-07-06 12:57:00 by )
  48. Dear My Sister is Chatting Up My Boyfriend,

    You introduce your problem as being directed towards your sister for chatting up your boyfriend. Understandably, this is a sticky situation and undoubtedly painful. However, it seems to me that the issue is a product of poor communication from all parties involved.

    Your boyfriend is married to another woman. While I am sure he does love you, he has not resolved his relationship with his wife. He is a father, a husband, and a boyfriend, and is unable to commit himself fully to one person without tension from another. It does happen where a married couple decides to stay together for the child, but both agree to see other people. This is fine as long as it is agreed upon by both spouses. If this is their arrangement, have you asked yourself if this is something that you are okay with? If marriage is something you want to have with this person, understand that this may not be in the cards.

    You say that your sister does not know that this man wants to have a child with you, but you mention that she is trying to steal him away from you. If she does not know the level of committment that you and your boyfriend share, then it is time to sit her down and have an honest conversation. Tell her that you are in love with this man and that you want a future with him. If she respects you, she will understand and stop pursuing him. If she does not understand and continues to engage with him, then it is time to walk away from the man. You cannot stop your sister from behaving inappropriately, but you can choose to walk away from a man that chooses to follow her.

    Best of luck,
    Mary

    (Posted on 2016-07-01 19:12:00 by )
  49. Dear in Solution,

    May I appeal to your heart to maintain the cool it supposed, for your expressions really prove how upset you have been. It is true that your Sister is playing a hide and cheats game which she does not care how hurtful it is to you, because she is trying to satisfy her ego. In this case, you should follow up this matter in a matured way. Do not scandalize your sister in the first place; for she is as human as you are, and needs the comfort and warmth from a man's heart. She needs affection and care just like every other person does.
    I would not that you apportion blames, neither to your sister nor your boyfriend rather; be at your decision; judging from the facts that, he enjoys and accepts her actions. He also appreciates the person of your sister, not withstanding that he has an affair with you. He appears to be a love gambler, not save for any serious heart. He likes you but does not know how to go about his choice.
    Even when you love him and asserted he belongs to you, there is nothing you could do when someone you cherish most should at least betrays your heart of love. You cannot offer up your neck to be slitted just because of the love you thought you have found.
    It does not mean he doesn't love you, neither do I suggest that wise. But his action of kissing your sister should enable your shock absorber ready for resistance. You are not alone in this matter hence; do not hawk your personality for a thing you could procure somewhere else. You are not a loser in this matter, for the best is ahead of your searching.
    Take courage and hope for a lover who is lurking somewhere in the nearby Love Shop, trying to receive the appreciation of your heart. Good luck in your love adventure, but do not forget the fact that you have your personality to protect, even while in the midst of the seeking hearts.

    (Posted on 2016-06-30 01:29:00 by )
  50. Dear hopeful mistress,

    This is full of complications and I am sorry this situation has occured. They do say everything happens for a reason and I believe this to be true. I believe that this could be a way to find out more about yourself and could be a possibility to help the bond between you and your sister if you choose the best course of action. Growing up, my mom use to tell me "if he does it with you, he will do it to you" thats not to say this man doesn't truly love you because lets me honest, you are a complete catch right? You say hes a catch and I believe you, he caught you, he caught your sister, he also caught his wife. One thing I think alot of people forget is when you love someone or some one has your eye, you have absolutely zero desire for anyone else.The thing that would make me nervous, is the fact that he hasn't left his wife and is now allowing the attraction with a family member to become innappropriate. How could you ever truly trust him after the sight that cant be unseen of your sister and him.

    Say you win this man over with your natural charm and beauty, at what risk would you take this love? You may need to forfeit the relationship with your sister? Ask your self if your able to do that? Also ask your self if your able to trust this man around any one of your friends? If the answer is no, than I believe you should re-evaluate the situation with this man. Love is complicated, but you have to have communication and trust to make the foundations work in the way love. I also fear that the issue between you and your sister would also leave resentment which could bare down the foundation you try to build on.
    The beauty of this life is that you have the freedom to follow your heart. Love is blinding, so dont let it trick you.

    I also want you to remember that there is a man out there that is desperatley searching for you. He may not know what it is hes looking for yet but he knows once he sees you, and wins you over, he will never let a doubt cross your mind about how perfect you are to him. Dont lose your worth, and dont let a man rob you of your family or dignity. No one is perfect, keeping all these in mind, I hope you find what your looking for.

    Until next time

    TJ

    (Posted on 2016-06-29 17:36:00 by )
  51. Dear Troubled Sister,
    I am very sorry to hear about the problems between yourself and your sister. Family disagreements are always very difficult on the members and more hurtful than many are prepared to admit. With your sister, I suggest that you both sit down and talk about what exactly your feelings are towards this man, yours and hers. You both should discuss what he may have told you both as well. This situation seems to be very volatile. The man is married, yet he is with you as well as kissing your sister. I understand that he has told you he loves you and wants to have a baby with you. You are in love. You feel you deserve a future with this man. I would suggest that you take a good, long, and hard look at your situation and truly think about the odds of having a successful, long-lasting and faithful relationship with this man. Men can change, they really can, if they feel a strong enough desire. Do you think that this man feels a strong enough desire to grow and change to become a better person for you? Can you honestly say to yourself, that this man who cheats on his wife as well as his girlfriend will become a good man to make a future with? Because there are many men out there who prefer to manipulate women into mindsets that suit their wants and needs. This man may not even have the kind of home situation that he has told you, and you should consider this possibility. Your sister may be talking and making out with him, but it takes two to make that choice. A good man would not want to cause problems between the woman he loves and her sister, no matter how tempted. If you can look at your entire situation and truly think that he loves you and only you, then speak with your sister and ask her to stop making advances towards your boyfriend and I wish you happiness in your future. I only ask that you truly think about what I have written. Good luck and I hope things work out well for you in the end.

    (Posted on 2016-06-28 19:42:00 by )
  52. Dear Destressed Sister,
    I am sorry to hear that you have been placed into this position, it is never a good thing when siblings fight. However I do urge you to reconsider the situation as a whole. Gathering from your message it has become apparant to me that he has a wife and child, and is telling you that they sleep in seperate rooms but are you sure this is the entire truth? along with the statement he has made about staying with her for the benefit of their child. I can tell that you have strong feelings for this man as you claim him as yours, however you can not avoid the fact that he is a married man. Have you spoken to your sister about this situation? anger can cloud peoples judgements, and it is never a good idea to say things in the heat of the moment. Once words are said they can not be taken back! You have stated that he must love you because he tells you this alot but that makes me question what he has been saying to your sister? As you are her sister you will know her better than he will. Is this something that she would really do? Try to ruin your happiness by trying to steal someone you have strong affections for. I say this because you said your sister does not know that he wants to have sexual relations with you, and to make a baby so to her it could come across as there is nothing going on between the two of you. I respect the fact you will be feeling hurt, distressed, angry and confused but I need to take you back to the fact he has a wife. Technically, he doesn't belong to you or your sister. His loyalty should be with the woman that he married, and already has a child with. Gathering from what you have gave me, this man does not sound worthy of you or your sister. Does not even sound worthy of the lady he is married to! 10 years can be a big age gap, as that is 10 years more experience than you have. Did he kiss your sister first? Did they mean to kiss? I suggest that you sit down and talk to them both. Tell them how you are feeling, and do not bottle up any emotions. Letting go of anger is sometimes the release that people need! however if you feel the situation becomes to heated, stand back, count to 10 and remember why you are doing, what you are doing.

    I would also urge you to keep in mind that you are not accountable for anyone elses action, but your own. This man sounds like a bit of a ladies man! which makes me wonder if it is just you and your sister that he is playing around with. There are so many possibilities for this situation, it may very well be he is a decent man! and there is problems with his wife back at home, and your sister may very well have thrown herself at him. You do however need to consider it takes two to tango! I think you should talk to them, see what they have to say but always put yourself first. Putting yourself first is not anything to be ashamed of, sometimes in these situations we have to be selfish to protect our own hearts from breaking! Baring in mind she is your sister, she is your family and nobody ever wants to believe their own blood would betray or hurt them but it happens. All we can do is look forward and keep searching for our own happiness.
    I hope you get the results you are looking for, and again I am sorry you were placed in this situation. Best Wishes! XOXO

    (Posted on 2016-06-25 08:43:00 by )
  53. Dear Fake Problem,
    Sorry to hear you are going through what sounds like a very tough and complicated relationship at the moment. There seems to be a number of issues in your message so I hope that this response covers all bases.
    Regarding your sister, you seem very upset that she is coming onto your guy and was angry with her kissing him. However, you also state that she is unaware of what this guy has said to you. How can you be angry with your sister if she is unaware of your feelilngs towards this man? I think you need to sit down and talk to your sister about how you feel about this guy, and why you got angry with her when you caught them kissing. If she then continues to pursue it then you would have reason to be angry, and you would need to channel this anger into further conversation with her, or may even have to try reducing contact betweenthis guy and your sister.
    The other aspect I have picked up on from your message is that though you don't appear to be angry with this man, he appears to be upsetting you. He is refusing to leave his wife and has told you he wants to be with you and is using the child as an excuse. I would be weary of a man that is not prepared tobe with you completely as he may be stringing you along just to get sex out of you. And you may find when you speak to your sister he has said the same thing to her, which is why she may be coming onto him. I think you have to consider what this man has done in relation to the situation. I get that you have deep feelings with this guy, but if he is kissing other women and refusing to leave his wife for you, it would appear that he probably isn't into you as much as you are him. I know this may be difficult to comprehend or see, but I feel I need to point this out to you. You cannot blame your sister souly for what you have seen.

    (Posted on 2016-06-21 18:11:00 by )
  54. Dear My Sister is chatting up my boyfriend,

    I can imagine how upset and hurt you are feeling at the moment and hope I can help put things into perspective for you. If you look at the situation from an unbiased point of you, you will see that the problems have stemmed from your boyfriend's lack of commitment. I understand that he does tell you that he loves you very much and that he wants to have a baby with you, but for a strong and lasting relationship to develop, there needs to be honesty and loyalty. If he is keeping a relationship with you behind his wife's back then that is the first sign that he is not completely devoted to starting a life with you. To add to that, for him to start a physical relationship with your sister, in addition to having a relationship with you (and his wife), is a big red flag on your ability to trust him. I am very sorry to hear that your sister has upset you, but please remember that he may also be telling her the same things he is telling you. I can imagine that having a very good looking "hunk" tell you that he loves you can be very flattering and make you protective of him, but you need to see that it takes two people to have a physical relationship and if he chose to kiss her, you need to question him as well. My advice would be for you to confront both your sister and your boyfriend. Your sister needs to know what your boyfriend has said to you about how he wants to build a life with you so she can then either step back or confirm if he has also said the same things to her. You also need to speak to him and make sure that if he is going to continue a relationship with you, then he does not do it behind his wife's back and a choice needs to be made. Please remember that even if he decides that he wants to leave his wife, you need to think about if you would be able to trust him after he cheated on his wife with you. Having a hidden relationship often means that the individual is not serious or ready for a real relationship, which means that you are very likely to get hurt. I strongly suggest that you carefully consider your actions and do not begin straining your relationship with your sister over a man that does not appear to be very faithful to begin with.

    If any of your friends were in your situation what would you advise them about trusting their boyfriend and arguing with their sister over an unfaithful man?

    I understand that much of what I have conveyed to you may be hurtful. Please remember the hurt you feel facing the truth about your boyfriend right now, is much less painful than the hurt you would feel if he impregnated you and then you found out he was still being unfaithful and is not going to end his relationship with his wife.

    I hope I have been able to help you and aid you in focusing on the essence of the issue. Please write back if you need any further advice once you have spoken to your boyfriend and sister. I am here to help.

    (Posted on 2016-06-18 21:19:00 by )
  55. It sounds to me although there are a lot of relationships here at risk. First one and most important being that of you and your sister. You must focus on this as priority and be open and honest with her. Tell her how you feel and what you saw straight away. It appears to me that your boyfriend has some issues he needs to resolve before focusing on a new relationship here with you. If things are not good at home with his wife and baby he needs to make a long term choice. You must not put yourself in the middle of this and allow time to take its toll. Look from an outsiders point of view - You have been with him secretly behind his wifes back - and now your sister is doing the same to you. He may be playing both of you off in order to get what he wants . A long term relationship and strain of having a baby has lead him to cheat on his wife. If he felt so stringly for you as you do him - he would have not done what he did with your sister . In honesty I would end it with him before things get any worse and make up the realtionship with your sister before she becomes set in his love trap aswell -All the best of Luck !!

    (Posted on 2016-06-14 12:57:00 by )
  56. Dear My sister is Chatting Up my Boyfriend,
    Id like to say I am proud that you are reaching out for advice as such topics can be difficult to discuss with others. It is personal and so much on ones heart is dedicated to relationships that it can be hard to open up the bare roots of your relationship for others to evaluate. It is hard to do when a partnership is going well and even harder to do when it is struggling. Now I would like to dive into your troubles. The first very apparent thing I see is your intense anger toward your sister. Although it may seem like an action of betrayal please remember something that is essential to understanding your sisters actions. She is young. Yes, yes this sounds like an excuse and it is but it is completly valid. A young mind is still in development. A young persons frontal cortex, the decision making center of the brain, is still growing and very receptive to influences and ideas that a grouwn adult would see with a more clear understanding. All your sister is seeing is an opportunity to raise her rank. To take something from her big sister and to seem older then she is. All shes doing is proving that she is still a young girl not big enough yet to fully think through the consequences of her actions. So yes she may have done something reproachable but all young girls do and they will learn in time to be more mature in their lives. Now that your remebering your little sister is still little let us remember a man ten years older then yourself is fully grown. This is a man, one with an established home and frontal coortex. He is perfectly aware of his actions and their consequences and this should tell you something about the way he is acting. He is making decisions based on lust and want. He is disregarding his wifes feelings, his childs feeling , and your feelings with every action he takes. Id like you to take a moment and think of the situation from the perspective of him. If he loves you and wants to be with only you then every time he leaves he is cheating on his wife. Every second he sepnds away is moments without his child who he claims to be staying for. And why stay married for the child. It is far less emotionally scaring for a child if they have a set home environment. So if he plans to leave his wife ever this is the perfect time. the child wont remember it and they have time to establish a schedule so the child grows up with a routine and a sense of normalcy. If he is staying with her now for the babys sake then what is his plan? to secretly be with you until the child is 18. Or is he planning to eventually divorce his wife further straining the childs life. By the way you speak of him that doesent seem like you beleive either option is his plan. Having such hope in people is a great trait but you must think logically. He has a family and he has no plans to leave so this leaves you in the position of mistress and adulterer. This will make you the other women the one with no guratentees and at the end of the day a broken heart. Becuase whatever his decision may be in the end with his wife you have no say in anything not legally or emotionally. Now I want to say something as I hope your starting to see the dire situation you are in. The chances of him leaving hsi wife are minimal and it is clear that you are infatuated with him but think again of your sister. Your sister who is most liely underaged, your sister who is determined to be with a man most likely twice her afe who has cheated on both his wife and you. Your sister who is predisposed to make bad decision because she is still a child herself. Your sister is in danger. This is what most people would call a child predator. A man whos intentions are to have sexual encounters with underaged women. He has already proven that fact. You may blame your sister and she may even have instigated the kiss but you know that one person can not kiss by themselves. Nor could your sister a young girl force a grown man as she does not have the strength or ablity to force it on him. He voluntarily kissed her as he kissed you as he may be kissing any girl who shows interst or dosent show interest. Right now I am asking you to act as a big sister. As the protector of someone young and impresionable. Be and example to her and show that you will not let a man treat you with such disrepsect and you will not let him take advantage of someone you love. His intentions are very clearly not honorable and if not for your own sake think of your sisters. Your all that can keep her from a terible moment which no one can go back from. I implore you to think rationally about the facts and about the feelings. In your heart I know your sister is more important then any man unwilling to dedicate himself to you. I hope you sincerly consider my advice as I know it is not something easy to hear but something that must be said. I hope you make the right choices and no matter what I wish you a good life.

    (Posted on 2016-06-13 07:36:00 by )
  57. Dear My sister is Chatting Up my Boyfriend,
    Id like to say I am proud that you are reaching out for advice as such topics can be difficult to discuss with others. It is personal and so much on ones heart is dedicated to relationships that it can be hard to open up the bare roots of your relationship for others to evaluate. It is hard to do when a partnership is going well and even harder to do when it is struggling. Now I would like to dive into your troubles. The first very apparent thing I see is your intense anger toward your sister. Although it may seem like an action of betrayal please remember something that is essential to understanding your sisters actions. She is young. Yes, yes this sounds like an excuse and it is but it is completly valid. A young mind is still in development. A young persons frontal cortex, the decision making center of the brain, is still growing and very receptive to influences and ideas that a grouwn adult would see with a more clear understanding. All your sister is seeing is an opportunity to raise her rank. To take something from her big sister and to seem older then she is. All shes doing is proving that she is still a young girl not big enough yet to fully think through the consequences of her actions. So yes she may have done something reproachable but all young girls do and they will learn in time to be more mature in their lives. Now that your remebering your little sister is still little let us remember a man ten years older then yourself is fully grown. This is a man, one with an established home and frontal coortex. He is perfectly aware of his actions and their consequences and this should tell you something about the way he is acting. He is making decisions based on lust and want. He is disregarding his wifes feelings, his childs feeling , and your feelings with every action he takes. Id like you to take a moment and think of the situation from the perspective of him. If he loves you and wants to be with only you then every time he leaves he is cheating on his wife. Every second he sepnds away is moments without his child who he claims to be staying for. And why stay married for the child. It is far less emotionally scaring for a child if they have a set home environment. So if he plans to leave his wife ever this is the perfect time. the child wont remember it and they have time to establish a schedule so the child grows up with a routine and a sense of normalcy. If he is staying with her now for the babys sake then what is his plan? to secretly be with you until the child is 18. Or is he planning to eventually divorce his wife further straining the childs life. By the way you speak of him that doesent seem like you beleive either option is his plan. Having such hope in people is a great trait but you must think logically. He has a family and he has no plans to leave so this leaves you in the position of mistress and adulterer. This will make you the other women the one with no guratentees and at the end of the day a broken heart. Becuase whatever his decision may be in the end with his wife you have no say in anything not legally or emotionally. Now I want to say something as I hope your starting to see the dire situation you are in. The chances of him leaving hsi wife are minimal and it is clear that you are infatuated with him but think again of your sister. Your sister who is most liely underaged, your sister who is determined to be with a man most likely twice her afe who has cheated on both his wife and you. Your sister who is predisposed to make bad decision because she is still a child herself. Your sister is in danger. This is what most people would call a child predator. A man whos intentions are to have sexual encounters with underaged women. He has already proven that fact. You may blame your sister and she may even have instigated the kiss but you know that one person can not kiss by themselves. Nor could your sister a young girl force a grown man as she does not have the strength or ablity to force it on him. He voluntarily kissed her as he kissed you as he may be kissing any girl who shows interst or dosent show interest. Right now I am asking you to act as a big sister. As the protector of someone young and impresionable. Be and example to her and show that you will not let a man treat you with such disrepsect and you will not let him take advantage of someone you love. His intentions are very clearly not honorable and if not for your own sake think of your sisters. Your all that can keep her from a terible moment which no one can go back from. I implore you to think rationally about the facts and about the feelings. In your heart I know your sister is more important then any man unwilling to dedicate himself to you. I hope you sincerly consider my advice as I know it is not something easy to hear but something that must be said. I hope you make the right choices and no matter what I wish you a good life.

    (Posted on 2016-06-13 07:36:00 by )
  58. Firstly, I am sorry that you have been put though this. My initial reaction is to acknowledge it does take 2 to tango. Now even though your sister may have a crush on him, his loyalty was to you and yet he kissed her too. How do you know she was trying to take him from you, why were you not able to confront her? My advice is to not always listen to what he says but watch his actions, his actions have showed you he cannot be trusted. Although he says he is staying for his child, why is he not able to move out to his family or rent a room elsewhere and be there for his child. Do you know he is still not in a relationship with the mother of his child, can this be confirmed for sure? From the sounds of it he does not seem like a decent man, who could betray you like this and especially with your sister. Instead of blaming your sister for taking him away, why not see no one can ever be taken away without their own free will. The stronger we keep hold of them the more suffocated they feel.

    Neither deserve your respect or love, so I would say work on your own issues and be with someone who is deserving of your love. I would highlight issues with your sister and ask her why she felt it was ok for her to do that, no one is condoning her behaviour, or telling you to forget. But by confrontation in a non-aggressive way, may give you the answer’s you require. Maybe that man was a teacher to you both of love and loyalty and more importantly betrayal.
    I hope you are able to muster the strength to find solace in this and walk away as you deserve so much better and more importantly deserve someone who will not betray your trust.

    (Posted on 2016-06-12 16:59:00 by )
  59. Hello and welcome.
    I understand at this time you love your boyfriend dearly, but may i ask what is he doing to help put your sister back into reality. The behavior your sister is portraying is unreasonable and shows an awful lot of disrespect to yourself and your partner, allthough I do hope he is not encouraging this in anyway. You need to have a 1 to 1 with your sister and calmly and collectively tell her you will not accept this kind of disrespect towards you or your partner. I know its easy to want what you think is right with the state of mind your in at the moment, but this whole situation needs rethinking and changing before another life gets brought into what is allready seeming to make you unhappy. You do not deserve someone who kisses your sister or anyone else for that matter. Aim higher. Distrust has now been put in place and long term this could cause you insecurities and further harm your future. If however you want to stay with this man then I would advise you get some respect back, lay some rules down and some lines you do not wish him to cross, ie: kissing other people and also tell your sister you will not accept her flirting with YOUR partner. If he crosses lines or does not respect your wishes you are better off without him.. good luck and have faith. everything happens for a reason which may not come to light for years. breath easy and be patient what will be will be my dear.
    xx

    (Posted on 2016-06-12 09:46:00 by )
  60. Hi,
    Thank you for opening up an sharing your problem with me. I know it takes a lot to talk about such personal issues.
    Let's look at the situation one instance at a time.
    The fact that your boy friend is still living with his wife and in a relationship with you is alarming. Does his wife know about you? Have you spoken to her and sure about his livng conditions that they delfinitely live seperately although under the same roof? My advise to you will be:
    - First and foremost stop worrying and being afraid of losing your boy friend. Remember always the right things comes your way when you create space for it in a positive frame of mind.
    - Have an open discussion with your boyfriend about your future together. If he wants to have a baby with you, he needs to be open and transparent with you about his family life. How does he plan to have a baby with you, inside or outside wedlock. If he wants outside wedlock ask yourself if you are ok with it? Arent you settling for less?
    - Ask him that you want to meet his wife. If he wants you to be with him, he needs to give you your due respect and introduce you to his family.
    - You have seen him kissing your sister, that raises a big question on his honesty. Keep this in mind and stregthen your mind. Any respectable man will not do this. Ask him why he did this.
    - Once you have sorted the above points out, have a chat with your sister and tell her what you find out. Discuss with her how you can strengthen your relationship so that you stand up for each other rather than back biting and being jealous of each other.

    All the best and take care of yourself

    (Posted on 2016-06-11 10:32:00 by )
  61. Thank you for confiding in me about this. My gut tells me that this man is likely going to be trouble and lead to more heartache than you deserve. Before jumping to conclusions, I would like to discuss all angles of the situation. I've learned in life that most things are not just black and white, actually, most things fall in the "grey" area. The fact that your boyfriend is married and living with his wife and child may be concerning. Are you just taking his word for it that they are not still together? Or have you talked to her as well? It is not unheard of, or impossible, for a couple to stay living together for their child, at least while they are very young. You have to take into consideration the challenge and stress that accompanies an arrangement like that though. It requires an immense amount of trust in your boyfriend. You both need to be able to openly communicate, especially about his home life, after all, he is living with someone he once vowed to be with for the rest of his life. I don't believe you should just take his word for it either. If you are going to be in his life it will be important for his child's mother to meet you, at least once, so she can feel comfortable with you. That is, as long as he is telling you the truth about them not being together anymore. If it turns out he and his wife are still on again off again, bringing up meeting her will set off red flags of him not wanting you to do that. I question his honesty simply because you have caught him kissing your sister. That doesn't sound like the most respectable man to me. You deserve an explanation for what you saw that day, not from one of them, but both of them. You can't only be angry with your sister, he was there too. So what was the reason? Is there any reason that is good enough that would make you alright with them having kissed? Will you ever feel comfortable with the two of them being around each other? If it is something you discuss with them and you don't feel like you can get past, then it is time to really evaluate your relationship. Especially since he is asking some serious commitments from you, sex and a baby is not something to take lightly. If you are contemplating serious decisions, he should be too. Think of the things you desire from a partner. Do you want someone you can count on, trust, be proud of, encourage, rely on? If those are things you are struggling with in the beginning of the relationship things are likely going to get even more difficult as time goes on. I know you love him, or at least it feels a lot like love, either way, it is real for you. It makes it hard to see things clearly. I hope you ask yourself some questions about what you are looking for, what you can adapt to, ask your boyfriend questions and don't settle for anything less than complete answers, the same goes for your sister. After that, do some serious thinking. With all that you learn, would this situation that you are in be something that you would encourage your future daughter to pursue? I wish you the best of luck during this time of turmoil.

    (Posted on 2016-06-11 02:32:00 by )
  62. Hi
    I'm sorry that you are going through this difficult and confusing time in your life. There are many factors to consider. Let's begin with your sister: it's sad that your own sister has betrayed you. Unfortunately, we don't get to pick family members, she will always be your sister. Talk to her; tell her what you saw; how she hurt you; communicate your expectations and set boundaries. Hopefully you can work things out with her because it would be very sad to let a guy ruin your relationship with your sister.

    Your boyfriend is married, has a new child, kissing your sister and telling you that he loves you and wants to have a baby with you. He sounds like a very busy guy. There really is not anything decent about this man. Does his wife think they are separated and living together for the baby? Sounds like this man is playing lots of games and you are one of his many victims. What would be some characteristics you would want in a perfect boyfriend and father for your children? Trust, loyalty, respect, caring, may be important ones to look for in a person. Good looks fade and are not all that important. It's the personality and how the person treats you that counts. Don't be a victim, be strong, take control and get out of this relationship. He is not worth the stress and aggravation. He will never be just yours. You will always be wondering where he is and who he is with because he can not be trusted. Think about your future and find someone that will love just you. There are better people out there. Good luck and we are here anytime you need us for advice.

    (Posted on 2016-06-09 18:33:00 by )
  63. hi,first let me say your problem seems tuff. If you follow what im about to say it might help you in the long run.You might not like what im going to say but im going to give you the truth. you seem like a smart and beautiful woman let me first let you know that. with what you are going through i am going to say move on. Seems simple to say but always hard to do.you love him i get it but he truly ant love you. one he has a wife who he lives with, who cares if they slep in sepret rooms its the same house. they have a child togeather which isnt a problem but its a flag. not every man who cant get along with the mother of there kid is always over her. but idk him so i cant point the finger. but if he kissed your sister he ant shit. you are better then that.you should get better then that. if your sister wants him test him.play ya part but dont put your heart in it.see what he do. see if how far he gos. but be a woman i know you are and work get ya money and have fun. your young enjoy that. dont hae his baby wait for the right guy. date other people but still work and make money. do you really. love will come and go. you have many more love stories to go. just cuz he looks good dont mean he is good. i want you to be better be drama free and with him all i see you getting is drama. its going to be hard to get over someone you love but its a lesson that you will learn from.

    (Posted on 2016-06-09 17:22:00 by )
  64. I can see that your 'heart' knows what you want from a relationship which is NOT what you had seen between your boyfriend and sister. Entering a relationship should be based upon mutual respect, faithfullness and/or loyalty to each other, genuine emotions. The use of the words 'love' can be used against an emotionally vulnerable person, and easy to manipulate and abuse a vulnerable person. Accepting such actions against you as a person, should not become a daily routine. We cannot let 'one' guy set 'standards' of an ideal relationship when many, many, guys are out there, that can be a true and genuinely caring person towards you vs being promiscuous with every gal in your family and friend circles. You have been shown the 'true character' of this 'boyfriend'. It hurts to leave an 'ideal' boyfriend that 'looks' stunning but if it 'hurts' then, it's time to consider moving back into the dating scene, until you find somebody that only wants you.

    (Posted on 2016-06-06 21:03:00 by )
  65. Hi, You want your sister to stop trying to steal your boyfriend from you... you have seen them kissing. Have you asked your boyfriend why he was kissing your sister? Have you spoken to your sister? It would seem that both your sister and boyfriend know exactly what they are doing, and do not care if they hurt you in the process. You say that he is super hunky dunky, but what is he like as a person? Physical attraction is only part of a relationship. Do you still want to be with him if he disrespects your feelings and thinks that all he has to say is that he "loves you" to get what he wants from you.
    Your boyfriend has a wife and child, and yet he wants to be with you even though you have seen him kissing your sister. Do you know what his wife might be thinking if she knew you were seeing her husband. Do you know for a fact that they sleep in seperate bedrooms. When a couple have a new baby it is not unusual for them to sleep in seperate bedrooms so that the baby only wakes one person and not both every night.
    You seem to be putting 100% of the blame on your sister, and yet it is your boyfriend who seems to be splitting his attentions between 3 women.
    You say your boyfriend "belongs" to you. If he is still married to his wife, surely he belongs to her if he is going to belong to anyone? It looks like your boyfriend likes to have different women attracted to him and he doesn't care who he hurts with his actions.
    If you were to have a baby with your boyfriend, how much support would he be able to give you if he already has one small baby he is responsible for. Do you have family and friends who would support you if you get into the same situation that his wife is in?
    Perhaps you could speak to your boyfriend and tell him what you saw and how upset it makes you and see what his reply is. If he denies he was kissing her, or that it was anything serious.. will you think that is ok. Again if you speak to your sister and ask her what was going on. Sometimes we see and accept what we choose to see because we dont' want to admit that the person we love would betray us, this man is married with a small baby but he is spending time with you and kissing your sister. Do you think this boyfriend is going to make you happy in the long term? What your sister is doing may not be right, but what your boyfriend is doing is not right either. You say you want your sister to stop and respect that he is a decent man, but would a decent man have an affair with a young girl while his wife is at home looking after his new baby.
    Ask yourself what you want from a man in a relationship. Yes Love, but do you not want loyalty, integrity, commitment, security and honesty as well?
    The way to stop your sister is to confront her and tell her what you saw, but if your boyfriend is always looking for someone new, even if your sister stops, it won't stop him, and next time you might not catch him doing it with the other woman.
    If someone genuinely loves you, they won't want to look at another woman, even if that woman is trying to steal them away..

    (Posted on 2016-06-06 14:41:00 by )

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Comments

  1. Good evening Julie,
    you have come to the right place for help.
    Please try not to stress too much.
    It sounds to me like your boyfriend is controlling. In this case you need to be strong and tell him you are unable to pay for him. If you are scared of him then you need to speak to him, if he is unwilling to change, that is when you need to get out of there.
    This could be the perfect opportunity for you to be free for a while and think about how he talks to and treats you.
    Only you should make decisions for yourself, no one can tell you what to do.
    My advice would be to explain to him you do not have enough money to pay for him as well so you will be going on your own, unless he is able to get money together before you go.
    If he gets angry with you or starts to try and talk you into anything you do not want to do then I suggest you get out and stay with friends or family.
    I do hope this has helped, please do not hesitate if you have any other questions.

    (Posted on 2016-08-14 13:26:00 by )
  2. You've ovbiously had your heart set on this trip, and it does sound like a holiday of a lifetime! If this is a long term relationship then I can see you would want to experience this with him. I would suggest paying for it as a loan! You set up a payment plan with him that suits you both so you can both enjoy an amazing time together and you won't lose out on money in the long run. If that doesn't sound suitable for you then maybe you should explain that you simply can't afford this trip on your own and that he would need to help by finding the money else where to join you, or offer to pay some and he pays the rest?
    I hope this helps and you're both able to go and enjoy an amazing experience together.

    (Posted on 2016-08-13 10:59:00 by )
  3. Julie:

    If this is a trip that you have had your heart set on and you REALLY want to go, the only real question you need to ask yourself is this..is it worth paying for and experiencing the trip you dreamed of? Keep in mind that it will not be the trip you dreamed of if you are going to harvest an ill feelings towards him by paying for the entire trip or if the limited finances makes your dream trip less enjoyable. Only you can answer that. Hope this helps!

    (Posted on 2016-08-09 04:18:00 by )
  4. Julie:

    If this is a newer relationship you may wanna run the other direction! If your established then take all things into concideration, like did he have unexpected bills come up like a broken down car etc. if so, maybe you should cut him some slack if you REALLY want to go. With that said, if you decide to pay for the trip, I would do so with an agreement that he pays back his portion over time or he pays for the next trip. This only works if you two have been together for a lengthly period of time and you completely trust him!

    (Posted on 2016-08-09 04:14:00 by )
  5. Julie:

    I'm sure that you had your heart set on this trip and this is the reason you are questioning what you already know in your heart deep down inside. Why should you pay for someone that was given the same amount of time that you were to save up for the trip? I think this may send a strong signal that you may be more into it than he is or he is willing to sacrifice. At the end of the day, it is your decision and you have to live with it and only you! Do what your heart tells you to do and at the end of the day if it was a bad decision, move on and lesson learned. Good luck!

    (Posted on 2016-08-09 04:09:00 by )
  6. Hi,
    I am very sorry that you have found yourself in this situation through what appears to be no fault of your own. However, I think you should ask yourself if you still want to go on holiday with your boyfriend after the way he has behaved towards you. He has let you down badly and also lied to you by previously telling you he was saving for his share of the trip.
    If you are still willing to give him another chance then you might be able to put back the dates of your holiday to give him more time to save or as a last resort book another trip as long as he is willing to pay any extra costs incurred.
    On no account should you offer to pay for him. By doing that you would be setting a precedent and demonstrating your willingness to accept his appalling behaviour towards you. He needs to show that he regards you as an equal and not someone to be taken advantage of.
    Of course there is always the possibiity that he has been genuinely unable to save and was too ashamed and embarrassed to tell you. How much do you know about his financial situation? If this is the case then perhaps you should be a little more understanding but as I said before, you should definitely not offer to pay for him.
    There is also no reason why you should miss out on your holiday if he is still reluctant to pay for himself. Maybe you could take a friend with you instead of going with him?
    This may be hard for you to hear but if it turns out that he is still unwilling to pay for himself then perhaps you should ask yourself if he is the sort of person you want in your life. I hope this helps.

    (Posted on 2016-08-08 10:28:00 by )
  7. Hello.It's true:any relationship you are in has to be give and take, not just take. Whilst I'm sure it's very nice to have a holiday away together, if you are thinking of being with someone for a long period of time and are in a serious relationship financial responsibilities come into play. You need to make your man aware that he needs to meet you half way with everything. I hope this advice has helped.

    (Posted on 2016-07-20 16:35:00 by )
  8. Hello.It's true:any relationship you are in has to be give and take, not just take. Whilst I'm sure it's very nice to have a holiday away together, if you are thinking of being with someone for a long period of time and are in a serious relationship financial responsibilities come into play. You need to make your man aware that he needs to meet you half way with everything. I hope this advice has helped.

    (Posted on 2016-07-20 16:35:00 by )
  9. To, Julie;
    This isn't a pleasant situation to be in, and I'm probably not the only person to tell you this, but speaking as a feminist, leave him. You do not need a man like that in your life. Think about it logically, will you actually enjoy this holiday knowing that he hasn't contributed to anything? I don't think it's fair he's putting his financially instability in your hands. You must pay for him too or you both cannot go? I think you should leave him and enjoy a beautiful trip away in Egypt with one of your girl friends, who most probably could be able to pay for themselves. I understand that while you may love him he most certainly does not care about you, You definitley deserve better than that and I am rooting for you. Wish you the best!
    - J. x

    (Posted on 2016-07-18 16:12:00 by )
  10. I'm sorry to say this sweetheart but if he knows about your financial situation and still insists you pay for it all he obviously doesn't care about you, if he had he wouldn't make such demands. You should go by yourself and find someone who truly cares about you instead of wasting your precious time and energy on someone as selfish as him. It's your hard-earned money and you should spend it wisely and on something you will enjoy, you're not his piggybank he can use whenever he feels like it, he's a grown man so he should act like it, you don't want a man who isn't thoughfull enough to give up a vacation abroad when he cannot afford it. You are beautiful and precious, you don't deserve to be treated like that and you shouldn't have too! Love and treasure yourself and the right guy will apear!It's better to be single and rocking than stuck in a relationship in wich you aren't enjoying yourself anymore!So go ahead and spoil yourself, get a new hairdo/clothes/spa day, whatever you feel like doing for yourself and be happy, you earned it!

    (Posted on 2016-07-17 17:50:00 by )
  11. Hi Julie,

    Well sweetheart I am sorry to say this but do not take him. Pack your bags girl and go see Egypt yourself with some independant travelling! afterall YOU have saved to be able to do this, why should you miss out? Or for a better question, why should you pay for him when he had a lot of time to save as you have mentioned, yet he has not bothered to even try by the sounds of it! This world is full of people who will try and take advantage of certain peoples kind hearted and loving nature. I am going to go ahead and assume he knows how much you wanted to see Egypt, and how much it meant to you? which means he will be thinking to himself, she wants to go so much she will spend it all so we can go together. FREE HOLIDAY FOR HIM. What about you? are you really going to enjoy this trip knowing you have blown your entire savings to take him along when he made no effort.

    To me it seems like he doesn't actually care that much to how much it does mean to you, otherwise he would of saved the money he needed and he would of payed it himself. You may be his girlfriend, and by the sounds of it a loving and compassionate one at that for even considering paying for him! but to me it seems his loyalties are tied up somewhere else. If I was you, I would pack my suitcase, find my sunglasses and tell him I would contact him once I had arrived in Egypt!

    If you do not like the idea of independant travel, as it can be scary to some but it is a great experience! id suggest maybe asking a family member? or another friend that you may have that would like to see Egypt to accompany you! someone that will pay their way. It does not seem fair in the slightest for you to blow your entire savings because your boyfriend blew his money!

    Never let the selfishness of anyone else make you miss out on the opportunities you have been waiting for. I hope everything works out, and I really do hope you take that trip! XOXO

    (Posted on 2016-06-25 09:02:00 by )
  12. Dear Julie,
    I am sorry you find yourself in such a difficult and confusing situation and it is my greatest wish to help you consider your options at the present moment. First of all you need to confront your boyfriend on his behavior. He obviously lied to you and had no intentions of saving money for your venture and you deserve to know why. I predict his response will be something along the lines of he just didn't have enough time or it was to much money. And you should be ready to take these answers for what they are. Completely irrelevant and insulting excuses. You made it clear that you were working toward this goal for a long time and he had falsely shown intent to work toward it as well. After you confront him I advise you give him an ultimatum. Tell him if he's willing to save up and try to raise the money then you can push back the trip. If he is not then he will not be going on the trip. It is important to stand your ground and make it clear that you are not there to be used. He's not asking for a hundred dollars for groceries or gas. He's asking for thousands for a trip across the world and all the amenities he most likely plans to have. If he is at this point in the relationship looking to make you his sugar daddy then it's time to set your boundaries and make it 100% obvious that you are your own provider and he should be his as well. remember this does not have to be the end of your relationship nor does it have to keep you from attending your Holiday. If he is willing to save his own money or even willing to admit he had done something wrong and allow you to go without him but promise to work on his money management and the relationship then their is no reason to end things. For now just take about of comfort in the fact that you can still go and that this is not your fault. You did your part and he failed in his. As a compassionate girlfriend you probably want to help him as well but since you can't afford it take comfort in the fact that you are doing the right thing by not bankrupting yourself and teaching him a valuable lesson about responsibility. Regardless of the outcome make sure you protect your money and use it for what you want as you worked hard to earn it. Go on your adventure and enjoy the marvels of Egypt and be proud of yourself for working so very hard.

    (Posted on 2016-06-15 01:17:00 by )
  13. Society is full of predators and this includes those seeking 'easy' money sources. Predators can easily identify their 'prey' and includes preying upon emotions of women. This is to gain access to sex, money and may include 'control' of your life. Relationships should be built on equal sharing of giving and taking. Modern living requires greater amounts of monies between couples, for a comfortable lifestyle. Gone are the days of having one 'main' breadwinner. It can be too emotionally and physically draining to want to remain in such a situation. I would suggest writing down a list of BOTH your $$ contributions, see what more is needed, divide that in half, and both of you continue towards saving for the new goal. No one person should be 'held responsible' for the entirety of any given plan, in a relationship. Today's world economies have changed from times of our parents and grandparents.

    (Posted on 2016-06-06 20:47:00 by )
  14. Hi, Something to consider...What's your boyfriend like with money normally... is this an unusual situation, or is he always asking to borrow from you?
    When you think about why you are with your boyfriend, yes you may love him and believe that he loves you too, but when we enter into a relationship we want to be loved and appreciated for who we are and not necessarily what we provide. How does it make you feel knowing how hard you have worked and saved to be able to go on this holiday, and he hasn't. The way you say that you will be using all your savings if you pay for him too, suggests that either you have not been together for very long, or that you don't see why you should have to pay for him, that it makes you feel secure knowing you have money in savings and you are not willing to jeopardise that security to pay your boyfriends half of the holiday. You don't say what his reasons are for not having ANY of the money to pay for himself, nor why he has left it to the last minute to tell you. If you pay for him and worry about not having any savings, will you be able to enjoy your trip? Will you be angry with him? Or will you pay for him and think.. I have spent the money so I am going to enjoy myself and deal with the situation when I get back.
    These are all questions to ask yourself, and be honest with yourself, because at the end of the day, you have worked to earn that money and it is yours to spend as you choose, and to now be put in a situation where you are having to consider spending your savings when you had not anticipated doing so, is a decision only you can make, but you shouldn't be put under pressure to make it. What is the alternative if you don't pay for him? Will he still want to be with you. If the answer is Yes, then that suggests you have a strong relationship, if the answer is No.. would you want to stay with someone who only stayed with you as long as you paid for him? Ask yourself each question, and listen to the answer that comes up from within you, not from friends and family, but from within you, and then decide what decision you make about your holiday.

    (Posted on 2016-06-06 13:43:00 by )
  15. please help me... am planning to go on to egypt with my boyfriend but he tells me he has no money and i must pay for him too or we cannot go. hae saved and saved and he said he had too... he had lots of time.. and it would cost me all of my savings and more.. what do i do/

    (Posted on 2016-06-06 12:58:00 by )

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