What is

Confidence?

What is confidence?     You can use many different words to describe what it is and very few people genuinely feel it. Those who feel it TOO MUCH become quite assertive, agressive, forceful  and bombastic with it. Film stars, celebrities, famous people, celebrities and wealthy people are more likely to be this way but you can also get misplaced feelings of being special by ordinary people. For example someone who cannot sing and who sounds like a wailing cat when they open their mouth might be ultra confident in their abilities  - or in this case NON abilities - and say that they are great singers.   Someone who looks  quite ordinary might have convinced themselves they are ultra attractive, handsome or very good looking, because of misplaced feelings of being confident in themselves.    Feeling too sure can be as bad as lacking this feeling and feeling insecure and uncertain.  It can make it hard to form friendships, keep relationships, get a job etc.

 

How does one acquite this feeling of being self assured?  You can look to why the feeling is not there.  Perhaps it is because of things that happened in the past. Things that still give you problems now.  Maybe you had a boyfriend and he dumped you and when he did this all of your feelings of being special just disappeared?  If it is this simple then you may regain these feelings when you find someone else and they make you feel special again but really you should feel special anyway and you should not need another person's validation or opinion.  This feeling should come from YOU and what they say should not matter.  When you are applying for a job yes you need validation because the person you are applying to is going to be training you or taking you on and paying your wages and it is them that has to believe you are worth the time and the money,  but when you seek out the approval of others on a personal or social scale that should not be necessary because their opinion is less important than your own, and anyway they are not perfect either!  If you are especially interested in one certain person then of course you want them to like you a lot but you not need their seal of approval to be who and what you are or want to change to suit them.

 

You cannot go into a shop and buy it and you cannot just decide that as from now you will be it and have it. You have to work at it. Different things can take it away and other things can put it there. Anyone who has been constantly bad mouthed by their teachers, kids at school or one of their parents will end up lacking self esteem.  They will then  find it impossible to have any real self worth until this is sorted.  I  have had clients who had been treated so badly in their pasts that it had totally eroded all of their self worth and as a result they would let adults get into relationships with them and treat them like dirt.  Given time this can be sorted successfully but you cannot just decide it will be alright nor can you do it alone.  One of the reasons so many people still have their original bad situation is because they are not realistic about how to put it right.  They need Charlotte's help...click on this link to get her to  help YOU now... or go to the bulletin board  or the  extra words of wisdom.

 

What is confidence?