Violence towards women. When we hear about someone being the victim of a physical bully we assume the man is the agressor and the female the victim. This is because we have heard of other females being victims of other guys and because generally speaking the guys is physically stronger than the female. When women want to upset or hurt a guy they tend to do it in a more subtle or less physical way... such as telling his wife about him, getting him the sack, putting itching powder in his pants or just shouting at him.. depending on what he has done! Men are also more likely to do something straight away where women think differently and prefer to stew over things and plan things and work out ways to get their revenge later. A prison officer once explained to me that most officers prefer working with males because females tend to plot and plan.
A couple can look very happy to the outside World but we do not really know what goes on when they are at home together with nobody else there. Their so called friends have no idea of how things really are. If the wife is trapped there because of lack of money or somewhere to go or having no job or having to be with the children then she might put up with things that other people do not understand.
Many girls who end up with a guy who is causing them domestic abusive against them, who loses his temper or is sadistic and then make excuses for him when things come out, saying it is all their fault because if they had not annoyed him or let him down it would not have happened. One of the things that happen to girls in an abusive situation - whether it is emotional or physical - is that they can become conditioned, slave like, putting the person who mistreats them on a pedestal because it is more pleasant than seeing what is really going on. The last thing they want is to have to admit to themselves that the person who is hurting them so much does not care about them. It can end up with a vicious circle because if they tell their partner that they should see a therapist they will probably lose their temper and hurt them again. They are very unlikely to listen and to take that advice. Who wants to admit that they need a therapist? And if they can get away with continuing as they are, with the other person being the victim, they are fairly happy so see no need to change things. The answer is not to tell the guy to change but to change the situation you are in and if that means you have to leave him then you must, no matter how difficult it is. If he promises to change then help him to find the help he needs but do not stay with him in the mean time. If you do he may well continue the same nasty behaviour and he has no need to bother to change and see the therapist at all. He needs to see that if he does not change he will lose those who love him and he must change first before they do love him.
There are other ways you can abuse someone without anything physical being involved. We tend to feel shock and anger when we hear about rape, sexual abuse or physical assault yet there is also neglect, emotional and mental abuse. Physical abuse is more obvious but mental and emotional is awful and very often a weak person will invite such pain because she tends to attract nasty men who need to find a victim and who would be turned down by stronger an more sorted out females because such females see through them and can get better men.
By expert Charlotte Craig A.A.A. One of hundreds of articles which are free to read on this site. You can also consult her or one of her experts personally, you can also go to the message board or the counselling section.
Violence towards women.