WStepkids nag for money. By ask best agony aunt advice columnist. My name is Sheila, I am 42. Up until about three years ago I was quite happy, but in those days Jeremy and I were getting to know each other, falling more and more in love, and really enjoying the novelty of it all. He had gone through a really horrible divorce and was licking his wounds and scared of getting involved again. Not just for him but also because of his two little children Mark and Ann who he adores. Naturally he wanted to make sure that they did not have more upheavel, upset or worry. I have never been married before and never had any kids so it was nice to meet Mark and Ann and get to know them. It was not long before I got quite fond of them and liked the idea of us being like a family. We had a chat about things and after a long think we agreed that we loved each other and got on well enough to consider getting married. As I was then aged forty I did not want to have kids of my own, not at that age, so it was also agreed that I would be like a real mum to Ann and Mark - who are aged ten and twelve. Maybe this is not for the best, ask an advice columnist or agony aunt may and they advise against it but that did not matter we went ahead anyway.. maybe I tried to hard, thinking it was for the best, ask an agony aunt or ask advice columnist and they would warn me against that too.
After a whirlwind romance, a short engagement and a hasty wedding we were soon settled in a nice house with a little garden, a garage for Jeremy to keep his cars, a nice little conservatory I could sit in reading my magazines and local shops. I do love Jeremy and the stepkids are sweet so I really do want this to work. As we got back into a normal routine Jeremy became busier with work and explained that he had no choice if we are to be able to live the good lifestyle we had started! Big houses do not just pay for themselves. We needed a large place anyway with the four of us but we also wanted it to be very nice with a lot of room. Mark spent time on the computer and playstation but Ann was fascinated by horses.
Everything was fine and dandy until Jeremy was often away at the office during the day and sometimes the evenings and weekends and I was left with Mark, Ann and just the house. It was something which seemed nice to start with because it gave me a chance to get to know them better and sort of become like their friend or maybe even their mum. But then things started to go wrong because I was left to do everything while Jeremy was at work all the time. I desperately wanted to get to know the stepkids and have them like me but was not used to looking after kids. Mark would start nagging me for a new playstation or whichever was the latest boxed game, Ann would start on about how she wanted new clothes all of the time even though she had loads already that she never wore. If I said no they would throw tantrums, nag, ask for money, sulk, refuse to talk to me and go in little huddles together. One time the stepkids even said they hated me and wished I would disappear and move out. This really upset me because I really felt we were getting on so well otherwise. They started off as little angels but now seem like selfish, spoilt brats who only want material things and do not value love. Whenever I say no to them they say their mother would have said yes and they loved her and miss her and I make a terrible mum! This really upsets me because in many other things I try so hard. I cook them their favourite meals, I sit and talk to them and cuddle them. But now they are saying they do not want to spend time with me and prefer to lock themselves in their rooms. The stepkids know money is tight but they nag me for money, they moan, they try to avoid me. What do I do for the best? What would an agony aunt or advice columnist say if I were to ask them?
Jeremy had always been quick to give the stepkids what they want, including money, when they nag so is this the way to go? I see Jeremy working very hard so that he can afford stuff so it does not make sense to me that he works so hard and then we would just squander that money so quickly. I would much rather he works less hours and we have less money. IIt would be so good to spend a lot of time with him and feel loved by him. Surely love matters more than material possessions and buying and spending? What do I do?