Should I Move Near my Mother?

Should I move near to my mother? by the best online free advice columnist page.   And please do not jump in with yes you should she is your mother!  I am sick and tired of hearing this from people who have never met her or hardly know her and have no idea how selfish and difficult she can be.

 

So let me put you straight.  My mother is not a nurturing, maternal caring mum.  When I was a teenager she was offering me to married men saying that if they paid her they could have me, she wanted me to do nude modelling for an old married man.  I am now sure she was charging them money for these services though I never heard her mention that when I was there.   I am not an idiot or a doormat so I always refused to go along with these weird selfish ideas. Should anymore come up in the future it will be the same. I decided to write to this free online advice columnist page.

 

Then when my sister got married and moved into a very large expensive house with her new rich husband,  where they had lots of money and did not know what to do with it, and I was struggling to keep my head above water because I had just separated from my husband and had to pay the house payments on my own from just a tiny income,  my mother tried to ORDER me to go to my sister's and clean her house for her at least once a week for free, yes free. Should I? No way. None of them worked and they all had more time than me, but would they come to clean mine for me, no, so why should I? No I should not. Nor should I move near her it would not be best for me.

 

It was a large house, it would have taken some time.  But the ridiculous facts are that I needed to work and earn money to pay my bills. They knew I could not afford to take a day off unpaid just to relax or go out to have fun. My sister's house was quite a long way away from me, it would have cost me a fortune in fares, and she would not have paid me for my fares or my cleaning.  But the bit that really got me was that  I was actually a legal secretary and  had studied and passed exams, I could have gone and got work as a legal secretary if I was desperate for money to pay my bills, I was an educated and qualified person  who was well read, I would never have been interested in working as a cleaner, especially when it was a long way away and unpaid. It amounted me me losing money at work so that my sister did not have to clean her own place or pay a cleaner to do it for her. She often came out with things like this, things that amounted to trying to turn me into Cinderella and she was always very bossy about it as though I just had to do as I was told, yet I was a grown woman living on my own needing to do what was best for me.

 

There were lots of instances similar to this, things I should never agree to,  and if I had agreed to them not only would I have ended up not being able to pay my bills but I would have become a total slave to her with no life of my own! There were also instances of her trying to demand huge sums of money from me even though she knew I had no money. Even when I look online I do not find other people with a similar problem,  nobody else has ever said that they were treated like this by their family, where the family tried to use them as some sort of free slave, it is rare. But when I have discussed it with people online in free forums they always say you must forgive and forget as though a nasty person has become a nice caring person, or they say to tell her that she is cruel and then she will stop being cruel!  Like I had not thought of that many years ago.An advice columnist would say it depends on the individual circumstances.  The advice columnist page would say she has become this way because of her old age, ignoring that much of this happened when she was very young. You may not have heard of it but there are personality disorders that explain this, the best advice columnist page ought to understand that best.

 

My mother disappeared on me for many years, because she had a new boyfriend.  The boyfriend was too friendly, always trying to get me into bed, so her way of dealing with it was to insist that they move a long way away and never see me again. Charming.  He was the one who was too friendly, not me. He was three times my age and as ugly as sin.  For decades I did not see them although she could easily have come to see me, she could drive and had a car.

 

Then her boyfriend died.  Then she wanted to speak to me again.Then she tried to boss me about again.  I was then a middle aged woman.  Of course I refused to let her.  But things had changed for me too.  I was now the proud owner of six shops and doing well.  I had worked hard to rise above all of this horrible background. I did my very best.

 

Now I speak to her on the phone frequently - due to her moving she is a long way away. And I go to see her now and then.  But it takes hours to get there and hours to get back.  She tries to be demanding, she starts arguments and she constantly criticises me.The truth is that she has never loved me or respected me, always just wanted to use me as a whipping post or use me.  So I keep my distance. Life is too short.

 

She now has problems healthwise, she is elderly, she also has dementia and needs a lot of attention and starts arguments at the drop of a hat.  To be honest she often talks total rubbish and riddles.She lives on her own but that is her choice. She would like me to let her move in with me and has tried to demand it.  If I said yes I would have to keep her financially and become her full time carer.

 

And no I am not moving to be near her.  I have a lovely house, I have spent a lot of money on making it perfect, I have a lovely man who I see every day who lives just around the corner.  It has taken me a long time to get to the stage where my life is worth living, thanks to the nastiness of my mum in the past.So think on before you tell me I should let her move in with me. Should I move near my mother? by best  online free advice columnist page.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Return to Home