Should I dump my boyfriend? by the leading ask agony aunt problem pages. If only I knew. Some days it seems like a good idea, other days it seems like I would regret it if I do. Sadly my life has become very complicated and fraught with upset and I cannot see the way. Please help.
Let me introduce myself first, my name is Nina. I was quite happy until all of this, now I wonder - should I dump my boyfriend? Even when you ask an agony aunt or reputable problem pages would find it hard to work out the answer to that. The man I am telling you about - who likes to call himself my lover - is Donald. I met Donald about six years ago when we were at school. In those days he was a pleasant, well behaved, amiable and caring sort of guy. He would listen to the teachers, do his homework, walk me home from school, help me with my homework and always be friendly and well behaved. I never really fell in love with him we just gradually drifted into seeing each other on the way home from school every day. Then this led to us meeting up on the way into school and after a bit he would seek me out during a break or when it was lunch time and somehow it ended up with us being together a lot of the time. This was fine with me as he is good company but it was never planned that way. Where my other friends were writing stuff on their notebook along the lines of "I love Ian" I never felt that way about Donald, there was no getting all starry eyed or missing him, it was just easier to spend time with him when he wanted to. My parents both thought he was well dressed, clean (unusual nowadays) and they loved the idea that he was not getting in trouble or difficult and they did not have to worry if I was out with him.
When we left school and we both got jobs I assumed that we would just go off and do our own thing. But Donald seemed to think we would both spend a lot of time together yet again. He would not seek me out thinking he could come over every evening and at the weekends. Where I was wanting to go out and have fun with my girlfriends. I now had a bit of money and was getting a taste for getting drunk or snogging a good looking guy. The last thing I wanted was to be stuck in just sitting and talking with Donald all evening - which is what he wanted. If you ask an agony aunt would say think of yourself do not put his happiness before yours.
He never asked me if I want to be with him or if I want to see him, he always assumed. Donald is not a good looking guy but he does try hard to please others and he always turns up with a little pressie such as a box of chocolates or a bunch of flowers. One other thing about Donald which matters is that he is a hard working lad. He does not want to be idle and living on benefits he really tries. But he can be incredibly boring and it is almost as if he is about twice his age because he just is not into the normal things that guys of his age are interested in.
Then I met another guy at work called Christopher - he says I can call him Chris. He is far more exciting, far sexier, he really does make my pulses race when he walks into the room. He and I started to get interested in each other and we went out to the cinema and then to the zoo to see all of the animals. It was not long before we drifted into dating and having sex together and sort of committed. He was not safe and reliable like Donald but there again he was not boring either. Ask an agony aunt and they would say he was secure. What would problem pages say if you ask them?
Donald came over one evening and said he wanted to talk to me about us. I was just about to rush out to meet Chris. We had never arranged for Donald to visit he had just assumed he could come over. I told him I was on my way out and wanted to get on with getting ready and had to meet someone at seven thirty and he got annoyed. It was almost as if he thought that because he had turned up I should just cancel whatever I had arranged! Cheek. I did not tell him where I was going or who with, it was none of his business. Then he started getting funny about how I was going out and saying that we are an item! Eh? According to him we have been seeing each other for ages and I should not be going out with anyone else. I laughed and made out I am going out with Sheila, one of my female friends, but he saw through that. He started a huge argument going on about was I cheating on him. This made no sense because I had never said I loved him and we had never even kissed. I made excuses and rushed out to see Christopher and told Christopher that Donald had popped in, but no more. I did not want it getting even more complicated or Christopher getting the wrong idea.
I want to go out with Christopher and just see Donald now and then as a friend. It is no good telling Donald this as he just will not listen. He just latches on to how he is my man and ignores all of the rest. What do I do? Perhaps the best thing is to stop worrying and ask one of Charlotte's advisors? Ask gony aunt problem pages.
Should I dump my boyfriend?