I am a 58 year old widower with grown up daughters. I am dating a woman aged 27. We met when she used to pass my door. Then i invited her in for a cup of tea. She's from abroad and speaks little English but we manage to understand each other. I cannot believe my luck.... because she is beautiful. All her family overseas approve of our relationship but my daughters are driving me mad with their ranting, saying she just wants my money, which is not true. I am thinking of cutting them out of my life. She has asked if she can move in and marry me. She insists she loves me as I do her. But my daughters have put doubts in my mind after her wanting to move so fast after knowing her for just six months. Surely she would not marry or live with me if she did not love me? What do you think?
I have been seeing a 55 year old man for two years. We have a sexual no strings attached relationship which I have been ok with until now. He has had long term relationships and I have had none. I have no children. I rent a flat and he says he will buy me one in an exclusive development but there are conditions - no one must know about our relationship or how I got the property. He has also revealed he is staying with a woman friend who sees him as a mentor. He says he shares a bed with her but there isn't much sex. I believe he has other partners and does not practice safe sex. I just accept it because I love him. I am not concerned about getting a sexually transmitted disease but I am worried that IF I meet someone who would be a real partner I may pass something onto him. Would it be wrong to accept this offer?
SECRET LOVER IS A DISEASE RISK
If you accept this man's offer you are prostituting yourself. You are likely to catch a disease from him and, if you meet another man you like you would not only risk infecting him but also have to move out of your luxurious flat - or live a life of deceit finding ways to see both of them. What will you do if your sugar daddy tires of you and wants his flat back? Will he still fancy you when you are both old? If you accept this offer it cannot last forever and you will have to stand on your own financially at some time. It may be harder for you to find another partner when you are older. Which is more important to you? Having a free flat to live in or self respect and peace of mind?
LOVE RAT'S TOO LAZY TO LEAVE
My husband has been having an affair for three years. He thinks I do not know but it does not take a genius to work it out. She believes he will leave me for her but he will not. He won't leave me because he doesn't have a penny to his name. Everything we have has been bought and paid for by me. He is also too lazy to contact a solicitor for a divorce as I am the one who does all the paperwork. So his lover is in for a long wait. I believe in my marriage vows, so I won't divorce him. Do I say nothing to his mistress while he keeps her dangling on a string or should I tell her it will not happen?
You say your husband is lazy and stupid yet he managed to manipulate you into providing for him financially and doing boring tasks such as paperwork, and he has persuaded his mistress into providing friendship and sex. He does not sound stupid. Out of the three of you your husband has the best life and is calling all the shots. What was so wrong with your marriage that your husband wanted to cheat on you? Why would his mistress listen to you and why would you care about her? Surely you would only tell her in the hope that she believes every word you say and dumps him. Instead of focusing on his mistress and how horrible and lazy your husband is concentrate on how YOU feel and what YOU want. Do you want to stay married to a man who has no love or respect for you? How is this a victory? Do you have so little thought for your own happiness?
ROMANCE IS TOO RAPID
Your daughters cannot know for sure that she is after your money. They may be scared of losing their inheritance, she may be innocent - but I have known of women marrying a man they do not love just to have a cosy life or end up with his house. What are her circumstances? Does she own her own house? Is she short of money? Look at this with an analytical eye. Do not let this woman rush you. See how she feels about the idea of continuing as you are. Once you feel you know her well you will be clear about whether you can trust her before you marry. If she loves you she will be happy to wait, if she loses interest it was probably the house she was after.
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© Ask Agony Aunt 2010. All rights reserved. Newspaper Extracts - by Charlotte Craig
Charlotte Craig wrote each of these solutions to these problems featured in the Daily Mirror.