My Girlfriend is Selfish

My girlfriend is selfish.  You can email an agony aunt on this site. Yes I know what a lot of you will say. You will say to dump her then. If only it were that simple. I am not stupid you know. I can think and do have a brain. I actually have quite a high intelligence quota and a phd. I probably know more than you do.   But this is quite different because things are not always preventable and cannot always be seen in black and white terms.  When you reach my age - thirty - you have found that there are often grey areas in things that make things difficult or impossible and which are not your fault.  Let me explain.


My name  -  David and the girlfriend is Rachel.  We get on well and have a laugh, we go out and do things together and share a lot of interests.  Rachel is very much like me in a lot of ways. She tends to see things in a clear way and think things through more than most. She does not just rush in and do things, she plans things and looks at every angle first. She is probably a lot like the well known advisor Charlotte Craig.  My mum said it would be a good idea to consult her today, what do you think? You can email an agony aunt on this site if you wish.  There is also an agony aunt service on here where you can get a 1 2 1 with advice, and you can become a qualified agony aunt advisor yourself where you get well paid to work for the site. Because Rachel , the girlfriend,  is selfish, very selfish,  I have been considering doing that.


We agreed that we would be careful about spending money and save as much as we could.  We could cut down on buying clothes and food. Either getting second hand clothes or making do and growing our own fruit and vegetables on our allotment.  We stopped going out all the time so that we did not waste money on cinemas, theatre, restaurants and other luxuries so that we could save to put a deposit down on a really nice place while we carried on making the best of the rented place we were in. We knew that we could never afford a really nice place unless we cut a lot of corners - and it was important to us.  The thing that mattered most of all to us in our life was having a nice home.  We loved spending time at home and much preferred that to rushing around to bars and clubs anyway.  Having somewhere nice to stay in was very important to us. Or was it, maybe it meant more to me than to Rachel, my girlfriend, and she just pretended she felt the same, so when she showed her true colours it seemed she was being selfish.


The troubles began when it was coming up to Rachel's eighteenth birthday and she started to show me some magazines she had.  I was getting a bit cross with her because they were new magazines she had bought and they were expensive. I saw for the first time how selfish she could be. We had agreed not to waste money. If she wanted to read she could get books out of the library for free.  But Rachel had seen some things in the magazines she really liked and started to chatter about. Most of all she wanted a lovely holiday in Italy - Lake Garda - where you over look the sea and live in a luxury hotel with a beautiful balcony covered in flowers.  I could see why she liked it, it definitely was the sort of place we would go to if we were able to afford it. We were not the sort to lay around on a beach sunbathing all day.  But we had no money and were saving up for our place.  I tried to explain this to Rachel and she said she understood but a few days later she started on about it again.


One day I came in from the garden, picking apples, to find Rachel, my girlfriend, on the phone to her sister.  When I walked in she went quiet and ended the call.  A few days later a similar thing happened when her sister rang her, she had sent her an email earlier, but Rachel did not see the email, so she phoned,  and she did not say much and promised to ring her back later - when I would be out.  I found this odd because usually they chatter away and it does not matter if I am there. I can always put the television on or whatever and never mind if she is busy. But then her sister came to visit us as she does about once each month - her and her husband visit us one evening for a meal with us - we are proud of our home cooked pies and vegetable dishes and it saves a lot of money on going to a restaurant where the food is no better.  Her sister - Annie - started to talk about their planned holiday in Italy as though it was all sorted and agreed and alright.  I was shocked.  I thought to myself what is going on here. We have agreed no holiday, no waste.  She said she understood so why is her sister Annie saying this?  I went along with things while we were all sitting there together - I did not want to start any arguments with Annie and decided I would find out later from Rachel what was going on.  Eventually Annie and her husband went and we were left alone.  I had been waiting for hours for this moment.


Rachel started to tidy up the dishes and take them into the kitchen to do the washing up.  I chatted to her for a bit to see if she would mention this holiday idea to me but she did not.  Eventually I could hold it in no longer and asked her about it.  Rachel just looked at me quite innocently and said that yes she and Annie were going to Lake Garda for two weeks.  Her husband would be staying home and continuing to work - he did not fancy it and anyway he goes away with his friends fishing once a year.  She insisted that they are going and she said she does not care about the cost or what I think.  She said she has not been on holiday for ages and it is her eighteenth birthday treat and Annie is paying her share. Now she point blank will not talk about it with me. How selfish can you get? This really is very selfish indeed.So much for her promises and her plans with me.  What do I do? Email an agony aunt.


My girlfriend is selfish.