Marrying an older man. I often speak to clients who have been drawn to the idea of getting spliced to a more mature guy. They see the older guys as being more stable, more resilient to problems, more able to make decisions, be independent, more capable and more able to take care of them. But the mature men they are looking at are not always such great catches.
To date a person where there is a big age gap is quite different to living with them or marrying them. If you move in with them or them with you everything changes. You are committed and there is a piece of paper that proves it. There is little chance of any marriage working out forever nowadays. The figures show us that at least a third of them end with a divorce or a permanent separation. Of those that do not end that way at least half of them are quite miserable where one or both are making do and wishing they could turn back the clock and find someone else. Why they do not depends. That means that you owe it to yourself to make sure of everything regarding the person and the situation you are letting yourself in for before you decide to totally commit. This usually takes time. It is often impossible to work out if someone is right for you in less than two years and even then you can only know if the pair of you have deep and meaningful conversations. If you just have sex and go to the cinema and eat out and have fun then you do not get to really know each other.
You should also look at the alternative to settling down with this person. You have two alternatives. One is to wait until someone more suitable for you comes onto the scene and the other is to be single. Now some people are horrified by the idea of being single but why? If they are able to contribute towards a happy and healthy relationship they should be able to look after themselves, and if they cannot look after themselves and need someone to look after them then they have not really got anything to offer to the other person. I met a very sensible woman the other day who is seeking a partner but she said these words which I will never forget.... "I am happy to be a good partner to this guy, but I will not be a nurse or a purse". The idea of being a nurse is something YOU should think about if you are contemplating living with a much older person. Even if they are totally healthy now how do you know if that will last? They might be fit, active, dancing, swimming, walking, having lots of sex, but if they are overweight they are asking for problems and if they drink or smoke a lot or eat an unhealthy diet they are a ticking time bomb. Even someone who seemingly looks after themselves well will maybe have a heart attack. If so you will be left alone. If they have a stroke or get arthritis or rheumatism you wil be expected to do the things for them they can no longer do for themselves. They might find it impossible to drive, feed themselves, do the garden, walk. It might mean having to move from your house to somewhere where there are no stairs, they might even have to go into a home. Do you love them enough to cope with all of this? IF you are choosing them because you want them to care for you how will you feel if it turns out to be the other way around?
Please do not misunderstand. I am not trying to put you off, just warn you of the negative aspects of the idea, or what they might be. With a woman who is used to taking care of herself, earning her own money and making decisions she can cope and take this in her stride. With one who is looking for a father figure it might be different.
Your partner might be more knowledgeable and Worldly and earn more but look to what else is involved and look to how love can sometimes just die even if you are with someone who seems to be perfect for you.
It might be a good idea to carry on dating instead or live together instead? You know your situation and what is best for you - or do you? Sensible people consult Charlotte Craig. If you cannot afford that all is not lost, you can also consult the gratuitous discussion board and the comfort / support / help page.
Marrying an older man.