Agony aunt I had to leave my husband. Yes I am sad about it but it is something that could not be put off. When I married him he seemed gentle, sweet, romantic and loving. We married in one of those whirl wind romances that are probably not a bright idea when you look back in hind sight but I was very young and I was very naive. Yet I then realised within a year I had made a huge mistake. Why did I marry him? Probably because I was having a bad time at home with my mother and stepfather and was desperate to leave home yet unable to afford leaving and being on my own somewhere. There was nobody else I could turn to. Hence it was staying with them and all the problems they gave me or off I go and start a new life with what appears to be a gentle and sweet person.
I soon found out he drank a lot. He always drank tequila and would think nothing of a whole bottle. Then I found out he was terrible with money. We had an agreement that we would both put the same amount of money into the pot at the end of the week to cover household bills but he would always have excuses for not putting in or he would put it in and then take it out again a day or two later. Which meant that I was being responsible for and paying for everything for the two of us while he went to the pub and had fun with his money. But it was not long before he had his eyes on mine too. I was then working full tiem and part time and also at weekends in another part time job. I did this to cover the rent not so that he could have lots of money to go and get drunk but that is all he cared about. If I said not to his demands for more of this money he would hit me or beat me up. I had no one I would be able to go to so I started to hide money slowly but surely so that I would be able to end the marriage.
He then told me that he knew that I wanted to leave and he would make sure I could not by getting me pregnant. But we were not having a sex life then - after all we were either not speaking or arguing so it was no surprise! I went on the pill then to make sure I did not get pregnant because he started to rape me and took great delight in telling me it was to make sure I was so busy with a baby I could not leave.
The above was told to me by a client I spoke to about a dozen times. Luckily she has been able to move on and get away from this man. But you can see that she had to go. This is why I do not believe that people should ever feel they must stay because of religion, health, the children or some other reason. It might suit their family or their partner but is it the bst thing for them? But for every client I come across who is in such a situation and who ends up leaving there are four or more who are just as unhappy and do not have the necessary will power to sort it out and end it. They then keep coming to me asking me when they will meet a rich and wonderful man who will rescue them from it. They sort of conveniently forget that a rich and handsome man will not be interested in a woman who is unhappily married and just looking for an escape or someone to look after her.
A person who finds out their partner is a cheat or does not love them will often feel that they ought to end it but few of them do. Why? Well for one thing they have no confidence. They have had it worn down to nothing. For another they just do not see that things are as bad as they are. They try to tell themselves that if they stay he will be a loving and wonderful man from this day on instead of the cheating husband he was until yesterday. Deep down they know this is all dreaming but they still do it because it is easier than upping sticks and moving or explaining to the people they know that they got conned - which also makes them feel very ashamed. I once chatted to a client who found out her husband to be had molested little children. She was horrified by this but instead of calling off their marriage she went ahead. She told herself that he must love her really when he promised to never do it again. Guess what? He did do it again - and again - and again. Please feel free to use the community message board
I had to leave my husband.