He Flirts in Front of Me

Hello Ask free agony aunt column.  He flirts in front of me!   I have been dithering about whether or not to contact you about this.  My name is Claire and I am aged twenty.  My boyfriend is Steven and he is aged thirty two. Steven can be quite sweet and quite caring. My friend Jennifer tells me that I should seriously think about dumping him. She sees I am getting upset about how Steven can be at time.  But then at the other times Steven is so lovely.  Sometimes it is like Steven is two different people where Steven can be nice or nasty.  Loving or selfish.  Close or distant. What would an agony aunt say? Should I write to another column or will this column written by an agony aunt help? I will ask for free and see how it goes.


The problem is this.  Steven is - of course - older.  We actually met about two  years ago when we were both working in a pub.  In those days Steven only had eyes for us.  In fact Steven was always wanting to hold my hand, touch me, kiss, and if we were apart it was awful for  both of us. He would send  texts and emails and ring when apart. Sometimes he had to go and visit his parents or he was a bit tied up when his brother came to town but then Steven would still always make sure he stayed in touch.  Those days were great.  Now Steven is different because we could both be working in the bar together and Steven will start chatting up any young and attractive woman that walks in and orders a drink from him. She will simply be wanting to get out with her mates or she might even be with her husband or boyfriend but this will not stop him.  Right in front of my eyes Steven makes a bee line for them and starts to flirt, right there in front of me. He tells them they are beautiful, that he wished he could have a date with them, that he would like their phone number and sometimes Steven even gets a bit too sexual or romantic even if he has only spoken to them for a few minutes. The other day he told one that he thought she was so beautiful that he would love her to have his babies! He talks as if he is single and free, I ask you.


Later that evening I said about this to him I had taken the plunge and written to one of the agony aunt pages, a column,and he just laughed and said it is all just normal banter and that I should be less jealous and suspicious and not be so possessive. That it is just being friendly.  He made it sound as though I was wrong for getting annoyed.  I now do not want him to chat to these women this way and have told him this but he just carries on and says the problem is all in my head.   Now I am confused because I do not want to be a bunny boiler type of girlfriend or be on his case all of the time. I also do not want it to be that Steven is having problems with me that are pushing him away.  But there are times when it seems to be that he really means it with them and Steven would go out with them if they agreed.  I have found two phone numbers in his pocket.  And I found him trying to make a call to one but when Steven saw me he quickly hung up and tried to talk his way out of it.


The thing we had together is dying. I do not know if this is because of the way I am or the way Steven is.  Steven flirts in front of me and refuses to talk about it.  Now Steven is also spending less time with me. If he is with his brother he used to text me or ring me, now he says he is too busy or forgets.  If he is with his mates he used to pop in on the way home now he tells me he is too tired and that he goes straight home.  I even wonder if he is really with one of these women and pretending to be with them. I am neither single or free. This is no way to live  - I ask you.


Our sex life is almost non existent now.  He rarely wants to and I rarely want to.  Sometimes I feel so awful. I feel like he does not really love and cherish our relationship.  Yesterday he rang and said he cannot meet  for the evening as his friend is ill and he is visiting him in hospital. I had never even heard of this friend before.     I fear he has made up this friend just to get an excuse not to meet  and to spend less time on us and I think he has done this before.  Every so often he talks about a friend I have never heard of before and it seems very suspicious as I have not met them or heard about them yet suddenly he wants to spend time with them and always when I need him to be here.      


What do I think? What do I do? If YOU are faced with a complex issue which you need help with consult Charlotte and her column.   She can help with any and every type of problem large or small. Ask free agony aunt column.


He flirts in front of me.







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