Find your true love.  A well as this article by the top agony aunty you can go for extra support here and use our blackboard centre here.  If it was easy you would not appreciate it when you succeed and you would not get heartache and upsets, worries and doubts when the also rans and the losers come along and try to convince you to be with them instead.  As you have probably worked out by now there are two types of also rans. Some are fairly honest and tell you that they know they are not in for the long haul, not into serious relationships, not wanting to settle down or be faithful and some are very honest and admit they only want you for sex or for a week or so or because they cannot get anyone else.  But then you have the others who pretend to be that special one.  They try to convince you that they are your soul mate, that one special one that bonds with you better than all the others.  If you have doubts they waive those aside, if you persist with those doubts they say you are in the wrong and hurting them.  So how do you know that the person really is that special one rather than someone who would like you to thinik they are?


Yesterday I had five consultations with five different female clients. I had never spoken to any of them before. They ranged age wise from twenty two to firty nine. They had very different backgrounds and lifestyles and some had children.  But each of them was trying hard to hold back the tears while they told me how much their guy had hurt them and how devastated they were by the way things had turned out.  Each of them had different issues. The one with children was especially worried it would affect them, especially as one was already having problems at school with anger and bullying.   Each one of them desperately tried to hold on to this ideal that the guy they were discussing with me was   that special one yet it was easy to see that they were not.  What was happening was that because they had already invested two,  four,  six  or twenty five years with this person they wanted to believe they had not made a mistake.  Rather than accept they had chosen the wrong person they wanted to be convinced that despite his terrible behaviour yes he IS that  special one and he will change and become wonderful soon.  It would be easy to just tell them that he is not the one but they  would then go around asking everyone else until someone says what they want to hear and convince themselves you or I are wrong.   The very special one does not constantly upset you, they do not cheat on you, they do not let you down.  I asked one of these ladies what it was about her guy she loved so much and after a pause she said - he always lies to me. 


THAT is how you know if you have the right one.  If they treat you well. Listen to what you have to say, care what you think, do everything they can to spend time with you and not hurt you and make you happy then to them YOU are their special one.  If you are married to them or living with them and they are being nice with you then it might be because of finances or so that they can see the children and nothing to do with caring about you.    So you have to stand back and look at it with a logical eye,  not with a lover's heart.  As to how you go about finding it for real if you do not have one already.   You think of the sort of things you like to do and you go to those places.  If you are an old fashioned person who hates parties and drinking then you might find your person in a church. They will mirror you in many ways because although they say opposites attract that can only be when the opposites are positive things. A short person might like a tall person, a skinny one might like a fat one. But a bright one is not going to want a stupid one and a hardworking one is not going to want a lazy one, that is just common sense.


Find your true love.


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