Death Coping

Death Coping. Anyone who has suffered the loss of a loved one through death will know how difficult it can be to deal with it.  It is not just the loss itself.  There may be practical matters to worry about, especially if that person played a huge role in your life and now your life is quite lonely.  As well as losing the person who cared about you so much you may have lost the person who nursed you or who looked after you financially.    Where things were not going well and there may have been arguments or problems in the relationship there may also be issues that are left unresolved.  If the person you are grieving over was your husband and you had found out that he was seeing another woman that may well leave a great list of unanswered questions that you may never know the answer to.  


Hard as it may sound the best way to be coping with death is to remind yourself of all of the happy memories you have with the person who has passed away.  Just as you would remember the good things if you had been in a relationship with someone and you could no longer see them because they moved or you had broken up.   Instead of dwelling on the arguments and any unanswered questions there might be remember the times that were guaranteed to be positive,  otherwise you will drive yourself mad thinking about all of the loose ends and the uncertain facts.     Ask agony aunts give you the very best free advice column with over two hundred pages of advice online. You can also consult one of our aunties or uncles personally for a 1 2 1 consultation.     Why not take advantage of the  community  group  and/or the opinion section?


Where the relationship had become very negative, i.e. if you knew for a fact that your partner was wanting to leave you, then try to think back to when things were very good rather than getting angry and bitter about how things ended up.  Not because you are forgiving them for what they did or because you are pretending it did not happen, but so that you can find a state of calm in your mind.  Many relationships end, it does not mean it is their fault or yours, it is just life.


When you are grieving over the death of a very young person such as one of your children then you must be prepared to go through the normal grieving process in it's various stages.  Turn to others for comfort or to listen to how you feel.  But do not allow people to get too close if you wish to be on your  own.  Use religion or friends or family, maybe a support group, as and when you feel the need and you will gradually get there.  But always remember the person who has died whilst at the same time having a life of your own and a future to look forward to.  A loved one would not want you to be upset forever and they would not want your life to stand still.  Most find that they go through a certain process where they gradually work through the whole thing step by step.   It is natural then to find that you gradually become less and less upset.  But there are also the more complicated situations where there were bad memories of the person who has passed over. If they were cold towards you or you had a terrible past with them then you might want to just forget them and if it was a long and awful relationship with far more bad than good you might be relieved that they are gone. Then you need to "enjoy" that feeling without feeling guilty about it.  Nobody else can tell you how to react to or what you should feel.  It is a very private thing.


Some people go through a terrible time when someone passes over. They might cry, feel like suicide, want to tell the whole world or shut themselves away forever. But they must always, always remember that how they feel at that time will change. They will say no I will never get over it but they are wrong. Time does gradually heal. And life does gradually  improve. If they believe in the after life then they can take comfort from knowing their loved one is still around somewhere watching over them and in tune with them.  The more people they have around them who give them comfort and succor and care the better. If they are totally isolated and the only person they ever loved and cared about has gone then it will hit them far harder and it might then seem impossible to carry on. I was just reading that Sir Patrick Moore the famous astrologer has passed over and believes in an after life. He said that the love of his life passed other and died many years ago and he had never been able to be with anyone else and that would have been making do with second best.  I believe he was romanticising everything as he did know the woman who died that well and he  could not know if another would have made him as happy or even happier if he did not give it a try.  He was actually married to his work  and in a way a full time partner would have just got in the way!


Death coping.