Dealing with


Dealing with jealousy by the very best of the aunties.  How you deal with it depends very much on if YOU are the one who feels like this or if you are having to suffer from the behaviour of someone you know who is.   Either they are envious of something about you and wish they were more like you OR they are the possessive and insecure type who get worried and upset if you are spoken to by other people or speak to other people who might be interested in you.   In severe cases someone would want to imprison you in your home, monitor your every contact and movement and even get upset if you just look at someone they think is interesting to you.  


It can stem from someone being lacking in confidence to the point that they do not believe it when someone seems to like them or love them so they become suspicious and virtually paranoid about everything.  Where they go wrong is the method they choose for dealing with it.    They should see that they are the one with the problem and they are the one that needs to change.  It is no good them just trying to change their partner or the person who gets their attention.  If they lack confidence to the extent that they doo not trust their partner and make their partner's life a misery then they must start dealing with it by having counselling or therapy to change their thought patterns and behaviour.  If they do not then the person they are keen on will get so fed up with them questionning them, not trusting them, watching them or monitoring them that they lose them anyway.  Then they would say "well that proves I was right to be suspicious"  when it actually proves that their claustrophobic behaviour drove them away.


There are two types. One is of things that cannot be changed.  i.e.  if your next door neighbour wins the lottery and becomes very wealthy over night then you are understably wishing it was you and it is very unlikely if not guaranteed that it never will be.   But if you are getting in a state because your neighbour worked long hours and saved hard and went without holidays to move into ba much nicer home then instead of getting angry or resentful do the same thing.


When we are speaking about a situation at work then it is more difficult because you cannot just pack in your job and walk away from it. There might be people there you do not like at all but you have to stomach them simply because you need to be able to earn a living and cannot find anything else which is suitable.  One male may be envious of another because he is better looking and younger and try to make his life a misery.


When someone is envious of what others own, i.e. a person who is homeless is envious of those who have a lovely huge house, then there is no point to this at all!  The homeless person may have been  unlucky and the person they are envious of may have been much luckier and won the lottery, but feeling envious about it will only make them feel worse.  The best thing for them to do is either get their head around the way their life is and make the most of it, or think of ways to improve it and make it better as to blame the other person who  has tried harder is simply a waste of time and energy and deflecting from the real problem. I once knew a couple who were very envious of another couple in the same road.  The couple they were envious of had a much bigger and much nicer house than them.  So they were nasty to them and often told them how "lucky" they were.  Yet the second couple with the bigger and nicer home had worked much harder and gone without holidays, having children or wasting money. The envious couple had four children, spent a lot on holidays and three cars and earnt more.  They could have had a home which was nicer and bigger IF they stopped having children or wasting money.


More opinions here  - community threads here -  back to beginning here. 


Dealing with jealousy by the best of the agony aunties