Dating a

Married Man

Dating a Married Man by ask agony aunty online, dear agony auntie.   I doubt that any woman can reach the age of forty without having had at least one married guy proposition her and ask her to sleep with him, whether she says yes or no depends on her morals and what she wants from the situation.     Why not turn to our free  counselling section


Most of the women who come to ask  people like me,  a trained and qualified online agony aunty, come because of romantic and sexual relationship problems and many of those are with guys who are living with someone or who are married. It usually boils down to the fact that the woman is a lot more keen than the man and she does not want to see that or walk away from it.  She thinks if she consults a professional advisor the advisor can tell her how to get him to change his mind!  But life does not work that way.  People only change their mind if it suits them and if the guy was getting into an extra marital relationship he may have already decided that he only wanted to play around or have a short term thing.  If that is the case then there is unlikely you can do anything to change his mind.  You can give him ultimatums such as "leave your wife or it is finished" but that just leads to arguments and even if he did leave and come to you he would then hate you for painting him into a corner and forcing the issue, so it would be the beginning of the end anyway!  Nobody with any self esteem would want to be with someone who was forced into it. The guy wins all round you are making all of the compromises and investments.  Even if you are married you can get a single man who is more available and less complicated.


Remember that this spoken for guy once made promises to his wife, someone he has been with a lot longer than you, and who he has invested a lot more into, and he finds he can lie to her.  If he can lie to her what would stop  him from lying to you?  Apart from the emotional issues the guy also has to think about appearances, keeping the wife sweet, maybe children, finances and his home life generally.


If you can go dating without falling in love and you can keep it casual then fine you can do this without getting hurt of disappointed, but then you may as well date a single guy who is able to spend more time with you, being more honest with you and got more to offer in many  ways.  It does not mean that you have to get serious just because he is single!  I know couples who see each other a lot and are committed and care about each other with no interest in marriage or living together.  Ask agony aunty online is often asked for advice about extra marital relationships, the other woman, mistresses, cheats, married men etc. We get more clients come to us about this than anything else.  It can cost you dear if you love a man who is married and he is not treating you well. A good agony auntie will usually tell clients to stay away from men who are already spoken for or end things with him.


When you date a guy who is married you will always come second to the wife, even if he loves you and not her. How will you cope at Christmas and birthdays?   What about if you want children?  Can you introduce him to family and friends?  How do you pay  your bills? Can you be seen out with him?  What if he can only see you once a fortnight when it is awkward for you?  There are lots of things to consider.   If you really want a single guy or a permanent long term or full time thing then you are wasting your time.  Even if he says he will leave his wife he may change his mind or just be saying it to string you along. There are lots of guys out there that are already single.


The guy might genuinely have an awful life at home with no sex, no love, no friendship and no warmth but why does this mean that it is alright for your life to suffer and be made worse so that his life can improve?


A rich married guy might get a beautiful young bimbo and set her up in a nice home with spending money, clothes, holidays and a car BECAUSE he does not want her losing interest and he is wise enough to see that without the gifts and practical incentives she would not bother.   Even if a guy who is spoken for offers a woman this many would refuse him. They would either prefer to have a guy who is all theirs or work out something more worthwhile for themselves if the yare going to live a shady life.  The spoken for guy thinks he is doing a woan a huge favour if he pays her rent but what he expects in return would usually cost a lot more.  You can also get those who  say they offer a woman a free holiday. what they really mean is that they do not want to pay a professional escort to go with them as that would cost a lot so they hope someone naive will go with them and be satisfied with just geting a free holiday instead.  If you do date a married guy then always see it as a one day at a time thing, with no guarantees for the future for you as a couple, and make sure that you look out for your own future.  He will be looking out for his and his wife's future so you must take care of yourself.  And always look out for a single guy to replace him with.


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Dating a married man.