Cruel Ex Spread Rumours

Cruel ex spread rumours by agony aunt problem page.  Good morning.  My name is Monica and I am an Indian lady aged twenty two. My ex is called Mohammed and he is twenty four.  We met at college where we were both studying hard and taking our studies seriously. I was then wanting to become an accountant and he was very much into science and biology wanting to get into chemistry in some way. I found many of the others there much too immature for me and Mohammed said he also felt that the girls were not serious enough anbout life and he liked the fact that I wanted to study and work hard and was not all giggly like many of them.I soon lost interest in the childish boys who wanted to go on about girls, sex and football and Mohammed lost interest in the girls who went on about make up, having babies and other frivolous and boring things.  We were soon inseparable and wanting to be together FOREVER.  Then the problem started, so I wrote to this page run by a proper professional agony aunt.


Not long after Mohammed wrote to his parents and told them about us. He proudly wrote that he loves me and wants us to be together and is going to work hard and save so that we can have a very nice wedding with all of our families there. They were delighted with this news.  We were not able to go to see them and meet up yet as they were so far away. Then we started to think about making plans for the future even if for years ago so we planned to finish our studies and get good jobs and then get married after.  Because I am a good girl brought up in a traditional way Mohammed respected that we would not have sex until the wedding night. He knew that girls like me do not sleep around and have to respect their bodies and it is a cruel and unjust thing to ask them to sleep with you before that special night.  He treated me with great respect in never asking me to do anything sexual or even talk about it other than to tell me that he very much looks forward to that night.  He knew it would be something very special and nothing like going with a girl who puts it about with just anyone and has had lots of men.  By keeping myself for him I would be giving him something sacred.


We continued with our studies and we carried on with our plans.  Both of us were working hard and studying all of the time.  We were then trying to find ways where we could get some more time together and study less but otherwise we were happy and content with our lives.  Until Mohammed changed. Well it seemed like that to me. He turned froma  loving man into a cruel man.Mohammed would start going on and on about sex and telling me that girls who really love their men would forget about their upbringing and traditions and sleep with them anyway and if they wanted to still be a virgin they could do it in "other ways". I did not understand and was shocked and found some of what he said quite disgusting and sleazy.  I would change the subject and  get to the point where we would argue because he would tell me he is frustrated and he should not have to deal with that, as it was my fault.  Oh dear. At this stage I knew that I needed to get the help of a reliable and expert problem page run by a proper professional agony aunt but still I tried to sort it out alone, silly me.


I suggested we bring the wedding forward but he said no. It seemed that he was already an ex!  He had no interest in bringing that forward, so I could see no other way than to continue as we were but I found the argument and comments quite upsetting and started to see Mohammed in a different light.  But then things got worse because Mohammed would tell me that he needs sex so much that if I do not give it to him he will go to another woman.  He said he was warning me that he needs to release his urges and it is my job to help him but if I do not do my job he will go and see a "slut" or a "slag" and get her to. He even told me that there is a woman at the college who is very keen on him and he will go with her and started to tell me all about how attractive she is and how much he would enjoy it with her...  how cruel can you get? He kept saying that it is only sex and nothing to do with love and I should understand it is my fault anyway.  


I began to feel unloved and guilty because I had caused him to feel so frustrated.  But I was also feeling angry with him because he seemed to believe that I should just forget my upbringing and beliefs even though we had agreed they are important.  Again I suggested bringing the wedding forward and again he said no.  We argued so much that we ended up splitting up totally.    My beloved fiance became my cruel ex.    Mohammed never told his parents why.  My cruel ex was dishonest to me and to himself and to those around us.


Then weeks later just as I was getting to understand that we were not really suited and it was all for the best I started to get other guys at the college passing me notes and telling me they had heard how great I am in bed and could they go with me too!  Mohammed had been passsing around rumours that I am a slug and a slag and go with anyone.  It shames me and makes other men not want me seriously simply because Mohammed had been so cruel and told so many lies.. spread rumours.  This is a terrible thing for someone of my upbringing as well as being very upsetting.  What do I do?


Got a similar problem. You need Charlotte Craig's guidance... you  may also go to the support piece and the   community threads.  Agony aunt problem page.


Cruel ex spread rumours.