Coping with


Coping with divorce. Dealing with a separation is something that many of us have to do.  Over a third of marriages end in divorce (and it is obvious that many of those that DO NOT are unhappy).   How someone copes with this will depend very much on their character, how tough they are, how good they are at being positive and at being a problem solver.  Men face different problems to women, the young face diferent problems to the middle aged and the elderly, the childless face different problems  to those with children, and those with support are different to those totally alone.


When  you come across someone like Elizabeth Taylor the famous actress (now deceased) you can see that some people are not cut out to get married.  Maybe they are too selfish or want to be single really. Others are many cut out to if they meet the right person, but maybe their mistake was to marry someone who is not cut out to be married!  It  only takes one of the two people getting married to be unsuitable for it to all go wrong.  The difference between a very rich and famous person getting into the wrong marriage and an ordinary person doing it is that they are cushioned by their wealth.  They do not end up living in a grotty bedsit or wondering where they will get some money from.  This gives them a lot more freedom of choice.  But on the downside they get their fans and those who are jealous of them sitting their sniggering over their breakfast cereal while they read about them in their newspapers.


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However hard it may seem, always deal with the practical issues first, even if you feel so depressed and beaten that it is a huge effort.  You will find that as you solve these issues you feel less negative and more in control. You will  soon see that if you are able to relax about issues such as finances, accommodation or work the rest will more easily fall into place and it will be far easier to cope with how you feel about this while it is on hold and being worked out.  You will also be able to be more in control of making wise decisions rather than having to hope that your partner takes you back because you are homeless or short of money.  


If your accommodation and finances are sorted you can decide if you want to be with them or not rather than feeling that you must be with them due to practical issues. This will also mean that you are more confident in the way you approach life and people and people will see this and be less likely to want to try to push their luck with you!  People who are selfish, greedy or crafty tend to look for those who are in a position of being vulnerable because the yare easier targets for them.


The things you must make sure are sorted are housing, finances, family, job, friends, physical safely.  It may be tempting to

wallow in how worried you are or wanting sympathy or a shoulder to cry on but by sorting things and crossing them off the list you will feel better, which is far better.   If you give in to feeling that you cannot cope or putting things off till you feel better it becomes a vicious circle where you are not doing anything that helps you to feel better.  The quicker you act, the more pro active and precise you are, the quicker you feel better.  It is better to push yourself to do something,  however small even if you have to build up to doing the bigger things. If you have no support and no one to help that might drag you down emotionally but it is all the more reason why you must try harder.  Always remember that no matter how awful you feel there was a time when you were carefree and happy and the sooner you get to grips with this and sort it the sooner that will return.


Coping with divorce.