Boyfriend fancies our lodger. Online agony aunt chat brings you another of our case studies. I hope you can help me as I am finding this very distressing. I still love James but he has let me down. I hope we can work things out. My name is Victoria and I have been with James altogether for five years. Myself and my boyfriend are not together long before he suggested I move into his lovely house with him. A few months later he said he wanted me to be a "lady of leisure" and stop working. I was delighted to. I hated my job at the supermarket. He then insisted that I have a cleaner and a gardener to help look after our place. Fine, this gave me more time to go to the shops, see my friends, do my nails and hair etc. I love to watch the soap operas in the morning and ring my friends for chats in the afternoons if there is nothing else on.
James told me he would love to have a baby with me and wanted me to get pregnant. An online agony aunt might be suspicious or unsure about this but we had a chat and it was fine by me so I stopped taking the pill and we started having more and more sex in an effort to have a lovely baby. We even got me checked out by the doctor to make sure there would be no problems. About a year later a gorgeous little beauty arrived and we named her Katie. She really is so pretty, with a little curl of hair on her head which is so sweet. She was born quite small, only five pounds and four ounces, so we take good care of her and make sure she gets whatever she wants in the way of food because we want her to put on weight and be strong. She is a happy little thing and I love to walk down the road with her in the pram showing her off. People stop and stare and ask me about her.
Then James said he wanted us to have a lodger so that I could have some more company at home when he is away on his business trips or when he works late at the office. gain an agony aunt online would be suspicious of this! We had a chat and then advertised on various sites and through different letting agents but it did not take long for us to find someone. We really do live in a lovely house, a very big house with a beautiful garden, so lots of people wanted to move on. We chose a lady called Dawn and explained our situation to her. She is single with no family but she likes babies so that would be fine. Dawn works at one of the estate agents we went to to find a lodger so she quickly snapped it up when we gave our details rather than pass it on to the others.
We would get into a routine of Dawn and me staying in and nattering some evenings over a bottle of wine. Or we would go out to a wine bar sometimes when I could arrange a baby sitter for Katie. It worked out well. James would sometimes be away on business, sometimes be working long hours and sometimes away at one of the other offices further afield for a week or so where I would not see him so it was good to have Dawn the lodger around for a chat. If ever I got tired and needed a nap the lodger even helped me with Katie.
But one day James my boyfriend and I were sitting cuddling up on the sofa and he was talking about his stress at work and he much he needs to unwind and he started saying stuff like he thinks Katie is really nice, and she is fit and good looking. Wow I thought. My boyfriend fancies our lodger!!!He went on to say that she must find it hard without a man in her life and she must be getting frustrated and we should help her out. He would be happy to have sex with her and me and he had been thinking about it a lot.
To start with I tried to convince myself he was only joking and did not really mean any of this, that he did not want her. But he would not let the subject rest. In fact he got worse and worse. Then one day Dawn was having a chat with us in our lounge and he suddenly just came out with "Dawn I really find you attractive and we would love to have sex with you". Well honestly. For one thing I am totally straight and never fancy women, for another I love James and do not want anyone else but James fancies other women and that hurts. Dawn giggled and went out. That was the first time ever that James and I had had a row. It was a huge argument. I accused him of being unfaithful and not loving me. No he said. I do love you. This is just fun and I just want to make Dawn happy.! How come he wants to make himself happy and Dawn happy but he does not care about me?
I have been tempted to leave my boyfriend and every time he looks at Dawn the lodger I feel worse but I have no job, nowhere to go, no one to go to, no money and Katie to look after too. I am sure that James will start this again and I am sure he is not joking. Every time Dawn comes in I dread what he will say to her. Usually she races up to her room or she goes out in the garden and then goes out again so it gets put off for one more day. I have not had a chance or had the nerve to talk to her about it just the two of us. And I am scared she will want to sleep with James. I hate the idea of sharing him. Dawn is a selfish bitch who is breaking up our happy family. What do I do?