Adultery and Divorce

Adultery and divorce. Ask best free agony aunt online.  Did you know that there were many more people getting married ten years ago than there are now?  Did you know that twenty or thirty years ago there were even more?  If things continue to change at the rate they have been very few couples will be getting married in the future. Whether that is a good or a bad thing, depends on how you see things.  


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Having spoken to thousands of people about their relationships or lack of them it seems to me that the reason marriage is less popular now is because people have more freedom of choice. Gone are the days of a woman needing to marry a man so that she has  a roof over her head and food to eat. Gone are the days of a man having to marry to get a housekeeper and sex.


With freedom of choice comes adultery.  With freedom of choice comes the end of a marriage and divorce. Adultery often goes hand in hand with divorce. People are more likely to be unhappy with their situation and believe that the grass is greener on the other side, they are less likely to be concerned

about how to hide it from their partner or worry about if the partner finds out.  They do not see marriage as the life long prison sentence it used to be where people had to make the most of a bad job.   In many ways it would make more sense if we got married for a certain number of  years and we had the option to renew at the end of that time.  But that would also mean that people would be complacent or lazy and take things for granted or not try very hard.


Twenty years ago if your husband or wife committed adultery you could get a divorce based on that. Then that changed and that became impossible.  You can get a divorce on the grounds of mental cruelty or unreasonable behaviour, which includes things such as physical violence.   But someone cheating on you is not considered cruelty or unreasonable behaviour in it's own entirity. This may depend on religion and country but in the UK where I live it takes more than this.  The truth is that being married to someone can make them lazy. They can start to take their partner for granted and then assume he or she belongs to them. You only have to watch Jerry Springer and see when an angry woman hits her boyfriend because he went with her sister. But she is more angry with the sister because she touched her property, as if the guy has no mind of his own and was hypnotised into it.  Yet he is the one who has told her he is in love with her and will not hurt her, not the sister!  You also get people who try to imprison their husband or wife by going out with them whenever they leave the home, checking their phone and mail and never giving them a chance to stray. This is not normal and it drives the other person to want to more.


The majority of women who find out that their husband has committed adultery tend to worry that he will leave her for the other woman or find another woman he prefers!   They usually ask him to stay, plead with him if necessary, tell him that he is forgiven.  Is this because they have no self respect?  Is it because they do not see what is really happening?  Is it because they cannot stand the idea of being single?  They are certainly very naive if they truly believe that he will change or start to love them.      


Men can now go online searching for free casual sex they rarely find it but they should not be wanting free casual sex!If they find it they take it and make the most of it.  The best men would not be looking in the first place. The best men would ask themselves where it would lead and is it a good idea in the long run. The best men would realise that one thing leads to another and it is not that simple and it is not moral. They would ask themselves about how they would feel after and if it would cause problems. Looking online does not mean that it is safe, it can still bring dangers.


Most marriages end, that is a sad fact.   Most strong people who had self esteem would insist on the marriage ending if they found out their spouse had cheated unless love and trust were not that important to them or there were other reasons to stay that had nothing to do with love.   Only a very gullible person would believe it if their partner promises that they will never do it again.  Most people do not care if they end up single or they assume they will never get found out.  Hence adultery and divorce are common.  If you go into getting wed believing that it is forever you may be right but you cannot assume you are right.  Whether nor not two people stay together depends on many variables. Firstly, the two people have to be compatible. Secondly, they have to both love each other and work at it.  Very often one works hard and loves the other more and this causes an imbalance and then problems later.   Thirdly,  one has to be able to foregive the small things and prevent the big things.  It is all very well moaning when your spouse goes off with another and has a fling but where the couple are right together this would not happen in the first place.  Lastly but not least  there is a need for communication where people simply talk to each other and are open and honest with each other and very few marriages have this. Many are shrouded in secrets and simply putting up with each other because of the children, appearances, finances, religion etc. These are usually the ones that end up with one or both cheating.    


If a woman withholds sex from her husband - even if it is when she is pregnant or has just given birth - a man will often get frisky and want to go elsewhere and commit adultery.  But a loving, kind decent man would not. So it is up to the woman to make sure the man she gets together with is kind and decent and loving BEFORE she has a baby with him.   I am often amazed by how many women rush into having a family with a guy they barely know and then wonder how come they get problems with them later.  They would be more picky about choosing a pair of shoes or a new dress, something whch is actually far less important.  Then they try to work out ways to change a nasty man into a nice man or a selfish man into a thoughtful man - it is impossible.


Women usually commit adultery when they feel neglected or when they feel unloved rather than for sex.  But they may end up having sex as part of the whole thing or to get the other person to give them  what they are seeking. There are some women, but few, who are nymphomaniacs and love putting it about, but these are few and mostly a man's fantasy and they really should not get married in the first place.   In reality men and women are very different in their needs for sex, love, romance and friendship but few men realise this and make allowances for it, which is why most men have a terrible or non existent sex life.




Adultery and divorce. Ask best free agony aunt online.


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